ArcaMax

I'm a pretty loyal consumer. Once I find something that works for me, whether it's ketchup or toothpaste, I usually stick with it unless something truly horrible happens, like they change the formula and go all New Coke on me. At those times, I question my very existence and wonder if I can continue to live on a planet where someone will ...Read more

After hours battling Disney passholder traffic on a Florida highway, I hustled into the theater moments before showtime. It's not a good start, being out of breath at a 4DX movie.

My seat on the end of a cluster of four immediately started jostling violently during a preview. I felt an ominous aura as breakfast bubbled up.

Maybe those theme ...Read more

On a typical day, I will probably get about 30 spam emails. Most of them are for diet pills, a few are for magic cellulite cream (are you noticing a theme here?), and occasionally I get one from a Nigerian prince letting me know he has a million dollars for me if I just give him my bank account number to transfer the funds. Of course, I never ...Read more

A-five-six-seven-eight.

A homeowner cracks the front door to retrieve a package. The sodden summer air crashes through the entryway like a wave. The homeowner breathes in, letting the warmth fill her air-conditioned lungs, soaking in sun to combat the stain of blue monitor light. The fine hairs on her arms elevate. She closes her eyes. Big ...Read more

The first thing I noticed when I got into the Uber was the smell of salami. I immediately thought about the salami sandwiches with mustard on white bread my mother used to make me for lunches as a child, and like one of Pavlov's dogs', my mouth started to water. I probably hadn't eaten a salami sandwich in 25 years, since my kids were little, ...Read more

Imagine being George Clooney.

No, really. Do this with me real quick. It will be more fun than whatever you were planning. That cereal bowl you were about to wash doesn't have the same mischievous glimmer as our Clooney abstraction.

Ok, so you're Georgie. You're an A-list movie star, husband to a brilliant human rights lawyer, father to ...Read more

I'll be the first to admit, I don't really know much about cars. So when my car started making a funny noise, I had no idea what it could be. I knew this noise wasn't its regular noise. The regular noise usually sounded like "vroom-vroom," but this new noise sounded a little like "cough-cough." Although I wasn't very car-savvy, I was a mom, ...Read more

I just returned from a 10-day family trip to Southern California. In some ways, it was three days too many. In other ways, it was just right, the perfect amount of time to force renewed soft feelings for my home state of Florida, a perplexing place locals know far too intimately, a madcap swamp we make Olympic sport of criticizing and ...Read more

"I think I'm turning into a werewolf," I told my dermatologist as I sat on the examining table in her office. There were posters on the wall and pamphlets for the treatment of wrinkles and fat, but nothing for werewolves.

"Why do you think that?" she said, peering at my pores. A thankless job if ever there was one.

"I'm starting to grow hair...Read more

At one time, the recent presidential debate carried promise. There would be no hooting frat house audience gassing up their preferred elder statesman. A timer would cut off the microphones of overzealous speakers, which sounds like a charming feature regular people could use when their Hinge dates talk about fishing. Perhaps this would be a ...Read more

"What's for dinner tonight?" my husband asked, inhaling deeply as he lifted the top off a simmering pot of tomato sauce.

I shooed him away.

"We're having spaghetti marinara," I said.

"Cool," he said. "But I thought we were eating gluten-free?"

"We are," I assured him.

"But pasta isn't gluten-free."

"It's not actually spaghetti. It's ...Read more

I feel most insignificant gazing up at the stars or pondering what happens inside a super massive black hole. Or, you know, reading how Harvard researchers recently said aliens could be on Earth passing as humans, which, correct me if I'm wrong, is the plot of "Men in Black."

Other times, a Jimmy Buffett cruise does the philosophical trick.

...Read more

Yes, it’s that glorious season that so many pumpkin-spice addicts claim to be their favorite. I must admit that, I, too, succumb each year to the autumnal charms of fall, except for my seemingly never-ending battle with leaves, or, as I like to call them – tree dandruff.

So what is it that ironically draws us to a season that marks the ...Read more