Dear Anna,

I’ve been seeing someone for about two months. From day one, I told him I’m not on birth control and that condoms are nonnegotiable. Yet every time things get physical, he starts pushing back — asking if we can “just this once” skip it, saying condoms don’t feel as good, or promising he’ll pull out or be careful. We haven’t even had sex yet, and he’s already wearing me down about protection. I’m exhausted from having to constantly defend a boundary that should be obvious. I’ve explained the pregnancy risk. I’ve been clear about my boundary. But he keeps pushing, and now I’m starting to feel like I’m being difficult or uptight just for wanting basic protection. The worst part is I can feel him getting distant because I won’t budge on this, and honestly, it’s not the first time a guy has pulled away from me over insisting on condoms. I’m seriously considering just ghosting him at this point.—Learning About Tough EXpectations

Dear LATEX,

Ghost him. Block him. Lose his number. Do not pass go, do not collect $200 in future child support payments, do not give this man one more second of your time or energy.

You’re not being difficult. You’re not a buzzkill. You’re setting a completely reasonable, basic boundary about your own body and sexual health, and this dude is treating it like a negotiation. That’s not someone who respects you — that’s someone who sees your boundaries as obstacles to overcome.

He’s pressuring you to have unprotected sex in the hopes that wearing you down with repetitive requests (and pulling away) will eventually make you give in just to make it stop (and make him come back). It’s really gross and you shouldn’t tolerate it. He’s prioritizing his fleeting physical pleasure over your safety, your reproductive autonomy and your clearly stated limits. That’s not just disrespectful — it’s coercive.

And the fact that he’s getting distant because you won’t cave? That’s manipulation. He’s punishing you for maintaining your boundary, hoping the threat of him losing interest will make you compromise. It’s an absolutely transparent tactic, and you should see it for exactly what it is: emotional blackmail.

Here’s the biggest red flag to bear in mind: If he won’t respect your boundaries about condoms — something so small yet also so fundamental to your health and safety — he won’t respect your boundaries about anything else. Not about how you want to be touched, not about what you’re comfortable doing sexually, not about whether you’re in the mood, not about anything. Someone who hears “this is my hard limit” and responds with “but what if we ignore that?” is showing you they don’t actually care about your consent. They care about getting what they want.

Which: NO. Just no.

You’ve only been seeing him for two months and you haven’t even had sex yet. This is supposed to be the easy part where everyone’s on their best behavior. If this is how he acts now, imagine how he’ll behave six months in when he’s comfortable.

Once more for the cheap seats: This is him at his best.

Also, can we talk about the fact that this isn’t the first guy who’s pulled away from you over condoms? If it’s happened twice, that might just be s---ty luck — there are, of course, selfish men out there. But if it’s happened more than that, you might want to examine the pattern. Are you consistently choosing guys who show early signs of not respecting boundaries? Are there red flags you’re overlooking because the chemistry is good or because you’re hoping they’ll change? Sometimes we unconsciously gravitate toward the same type of person, and if that type is “guys who push back on basic sexual boundaries,” it's worth asking yourself why.

There are oodles of men out there who will respect your boundaries without making you feel guilty about them. There are men who will show up with condoms without being asked. There are men who understand that your safety and comfort are more important than their preferred sensation. Those are the men you should be dating.

Don’t ghost him because you feel bad or guilty. Ghost him because he’s shown you he doesn’t deserve an explanation. Or better yet, send him one clear message: “I’ve been clear about my boundaries and you keep pushing them. We’re done.” Then block him.

You deserve someone who hears your no the first time and never asks again. Don’t settle for someone who treats your body like a bargaining chip.

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