Dear Kid Whisperer,

I want my kids to be responsible people. They are 1 and 3 years old. I know that chores need to be a part of their lives. Obviously, they are too young now, but I want them to be ready for life. I want them to learn about money, but I have no clue how much to pay them for their chores once they are old enough. Thoughts?

Answer: You are very much on the right track! How refreshing to see that there is a parent out there who thinks about preparing their kid for the path instead of preparing the path for their kid! You note two fantastic strategies for raising good citizens that are exactly right:

You will teach your kids to be responsible by having them do chores.

You will teach your kids to learn about the value of money and how to handle having money.

Bravo! I love where you are going. What I would like to do here is to refine your tactics: the specific actions to execute these excellent strategies. Some of these will be intuitive. Some will not.

I will start with the most counter-intuitive piece: Though I love both of your strategies, they should not be connected. You should not pay your kids to do chores. I know that the typical inclination to pay kids for chores is well-intentioned. It’s just that it’s a mistake.

I know what you are thinking: But how are they going to learn that you get money from working? The answer is that every person who has ever lived in a capitalist society has learned that lesson. Your kids will not be the first to not learn this lesson.

Secondly, we want kids to understand that it is their responsibility to contribute to the well-being of the home without pay. It’s part of what it means to be a family member.

Finally, it’s a tactical mistake to pay kids to do chores because it may make it impossible to accomplish both of your fantastic strategies. Let’s say a 12-year-old refuses to do her chores. The parent then says that if the kid doesn’t do the chores, she will not get her allowance. The kid says, “Fine.”

Now the chores won’t get done, and the kid won’t have any money so she won’t be able to learn about money.

Oops.

Instead, if we don’t connect chores with money, we can simply require the doing of chores and enforce that requirement.

Here’s how I would do it with that same 12-year old.

Kid: I refuse to do my chores. Nanny-nanny boo-boo.

Kid Whisperer: No worries. Feel free to leave our home for something other than school once you have fulfilled your obligations to our family.

Yes, Kid will still be given an allowance, but she won’t be able to spend the money to buy things unless she is able to leave the house (and no, minors should not have access to Amazon). She will be learning the life lesson that people’s freedoms become limited when they don’t take care of their responsibilities.

Next, I would suggest that your 3-year-old is old enough to do chores, and to get an allowance that is not connected to those chores. So that she doesn’t connect those two things, start giving chores and giving an allowance at different times. I suggest giving your kid the amount of dollars per week equal to their age. Your 3-year-old should get $3 per week. A 17-year-old should get $17 per week. An 18-year-old should get no dollars per week because that person is an adult and adults should only get money from jobs, not from their parents.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” you say.

“Back up,” you say. “Did you just suggest that when my daughter is 17 that I give her $17 per week? How could I afford that?”

To that I say, if you follow the following guidelines for what you pay for and what your kid pays for, it will likely be cheaper than what you are doing now, and it will super-charge your “learning about money” strategy.

Only buy your kid:

The clothes you want to buy them

The food you want to buy them

Presents on their birthdays

Presents on religious holidays (if applicable)

By using these tactics, you can be successful in your plans to make sure that your kids are responsible citizens and family members!

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