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Navigating Changing Friendships

Annie Lane on

Dear Annie: My friend "Lauren" and I have been close since high school. We used to talk all the time and make plans regularly, but now I'm always the one reaching out. If I don't text or call first, I don't hear from her at all. When we do hang out, things are great, but that's only once every month or so.

I've asked if something is wrong, and she insists everything is fine, she's just "so busy." I get that life gets hectic, but I also see her posting on social media, out with other friends, making time for things she wants to do. It hurts to feel like I'm putting in all the effort while she doesn't seem to care.

Should I say something again, or is it time to accept that our friendship is fading? -- Feeling Left Behind

Dear Left Behind: Friendships ebb and flow, especially long ones. Her actions show that she still enjoys your company, but she also has other priorities competing for her time. That doesn't mean she doesn't care; it just means your relationship has shifted.

Instead of chasing her, take a step back. See if she makes an effort when you stop always reaching out first. If she does, great. If not, you have your answer. You should focus your energy on relationships that feel balanced.

Dear Annie: My best friend and I have been besties since our boys were born about six years ago. We were both thrilled to learn we were pregnant at the same time again, now both with girls! We thought they would be instant best friends like the two of us.

However, fast forward three years and our toddler girls do not get along at all. Mine, "Rory," just wants to be friends, but every time she goes near my friend's daughter, "Cassie," Cassie will shove, push and hit. Cassie won't share anything, and she steals toys from Rory. I've tried telling Rory to just stay away from Cassie, but even then, Cassie will find Rory unprompted and smack her.

 

I don't feel like my friend is doing much to correct the behavior, and I don't feel it's my place to discipline her child. It's getting to the point where I don't want to be around my best friend anymore because my toddler always takes a beating! What do I do in this situation? -- Tired Mom

Dear Tired Mom: Your priority, first and foremost, is keeping Rory safe. The next time you witness Cassie acting aggressively, firmly tell her, "We don't hit," and separate the girls.

If your friend continues to let this behavior slide, approach her directly. Let her know how much you love both your girls and that you want them to have a relationship -- but so long as Cassie continues to play rough, you and Rory are in a tough spot. Hopefully, she will understand where you're coming from and make an effort to curb Cassie's aggression. If not, you may need to limit playdates until she outgrows this phase.

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"How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?" is out now! Annie Lane's second anthology -- featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation -- is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.


 

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