Helping Your Husband Be a Better Gift-Giver
Dear Annie: First, I just want to say how much I appreciate your columns! I always enjoy your insights.
Recently, my newspaper ran the column with a letter from "Feeling Undervalued," the woman who was frustrated that her husband didn't buy her small gifts for occasions like Valentine's Day. I thought your advice was great, but I wanted to share what worked for me in the same situation.
After 15 years of marriage, I realized my husband simply had no clue about how to pick out flowers or small gifts for me -- just like the letter writer's husband. He didn't know what to buy, when to buy it or even how to shop for these things. It wasn't that he didn't care; he just felt completely lost, and since he hates shopping, he would put it off until the last minute and then give up. Even though I had given verbal hints and marked celebrations on the calendar, it never seemed to help.
Instead of staying frustrated, I decided to help him help me. I put together a list of small gifts I love -- things like books, cosmetics and clothing -- with details like colors and sizes. I even gave him a "cheat sheet" on picking out fresh flowers because, bless his heart, he had no idea how to avoid half-wilted bouquets. Now, before holidays, I gently remind him to check the list so he has time to order or shop. And when he does well, I make a big deal about it, which he genuinely enjoys.
Since we were on a roll, I helped him make his own wish list, too -- and suddenly, I became a much better gift-giver for him as well. It turns out we both needed a little guidance!
Maybe the letter writer's husband is the same way; it just doesn't come naturally to him to think, plan and buy gifts. But when approached with humor, kindness and a little teamwork, it can become a sweet and fun part of the relationship instead of a constant disappointment. -- Made a Plan
Dear Made a Plan: Thank you for your kind words. Great job navigating this tricky situation. I hope your letter provided tips for others in similar situations.
========
"How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?" is out now! Annie Lane's second anthology -- featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation -- is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.
Comments