YES!!!

Probably half of the questions I get are, “Is it a red flag if (fill in the blank)?” And in many of these cases, based on whatever the “blank” is, it’s not a red flag. It’s a mere preference. For example, “It is a red flag if he has a roommate at age 32?” Probably not. “Is it a red flag if he texts his mother every day?” What? Definitely not! We should all be so lucky.

However, very unfortunately, when some people hide behind a screen, they become brazen. They think their actions have no consequences. And maybe in their delusional minds, if even one person interacts with their nonsense, it all will have been worth it. What a sad existence, right?

So you’re chatting with someone on an online dating app, and it’s going well. You casually mention your cat, Pickle, who’s currently on your lap watching TV with you. And next thing you know, BOOM!

“I’d like to stick my pickle on your lap!”

Or, you’re interacting with someone who has a cute golden retriever and ask how to get a date with that “handsome, golden stud.” You think you’re clever for your opening message. He replies in kind, “I’ll have to check his calendar to see when he’s available. He’s pawsitively booked up all summer.” (Swoon) You reply, “If it helps matters, I also like long walks through the dog park and have been known to carry treats in my pockets.” Could you have met your match? Then, a pause. Two days go by. You’re thinking about the cute banter and what went wrong. You’re thinking of replying, “Did I lose ya? ;)” which is one of the messages I highly recommend sending if you’re having a nice chat and the other person just stops replying. Then, after two days, BOOM!

“Wish you were in my bed right now.” What? How did we get here? In what world?

And finally, you’re having a nice chat about cooking. Seems innocent enough, right? Right?! You mention you’re making lasagna next week for some friends. And BOOM!

“If I came over right now, would you cook me lasagna… naked?”

I honestly feel dirty even writing these words out on the page. And in this case, yes, I am primarily talking about men who date women who are making these crass and premature sexual advances.

Here’s what I have to say about it:

The minute this happens, unmatch (and potentially report) this person immediately. You do not need to teach someone a lesson. You do not need to tell them how wrong they are. And you do not need to rationalize why the comment, whatever it was, made you feel uncomfortable.

I know how tempting it can be to ask, “Would you want someone saying something like this to your sister/daughter?” Or, “Wow, I thought we had something good going.” And, trust me, I’m always someone who wants to have the last word! But in this case, it’s not worth it. No need to get worked up.

Is it disgusting? Absolutely. But it’s also a blessing. These people have revealed themselves and their true intentions well before you ever had to meet. Time saved! And by unmatching immediately, it doesn’t give them the chance to apologize, say it was a joke (it’s always a joke if you’re offended, isn’t it?), or tell you how you must have somehow misinterpreted things and they only have the purest, most angelic of intentions.

Here's the thing: If someone doesn’t have the proper decorum to know not to talk about something sexual to a complete stranger, then this is not someone I want you to entertain. No questions asked. You’ll never have to wonder again if you should have given it a shot. The answer is no.

As I often say, and I’m sure will continue to say for the rest of my life, “They weed themselves out.” Truly.

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