An efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution. "Don't try these techniques at home."

"Why not?" asked somebody from the audience.

"I watched my wife's routine at breakfast for years," the expert explained. "She made lots of trips between the fridge, stove, table and cabinets, often carrying a single item at a time. One day ...Read more

A guy walks into work, and both of his ears are all bandaged up. The boss says, "What happened to your ears?"

He says, "Yesterday I was ironing a shirt when the phone rang and shhh! I accidentally answered the iron."

The boss says, "Well, that explains one ear, but what happened to your other ear?"

He says, "Well, jeez, I had to call the ...Read more

Jones applied to a finance agency for a job, but he had no experience. He was so intense that the manager gave him a tough account with the promise that if he collected it, he'd get the job.

Two hours later, Jones came back with the entire amount. "Amazing!" the manager said. "How did you do it?"

"Easy," Jones replied. "I told him if he didn't...Read more

Trying to come to the aid of his Father, who was stopped by an officer for speeding, the lil' tyke piped up, "Yeah? Well, if we were speeding, so were you !" ...

Deciding to take up jogging, the middle-aged man was astounded by the wide selection of jogging shoes available at the local sports shoe store.

While trying on a basic pair of jogging shoe, he noticed a minor feature and asked the clerk about it.

"What's this little pocket thing here on the side for?"

"Oh, that's to carry spare change so you ...Read more

These are advertisements that have appeared in papers across the country (or so we are led to believe)

- We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.

- For Sale -- Eight puppies from a German Shepperd and an Alaskan Hussy.

- Great Dames for sale.

- Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful ...Read more

A pharmacist looks out the front of the store and sees a woman holding a bottle jumping up and down in the parking lot. The pharmacist walks out to the parking lot and asks the woman, "Whats the matter?"

She replies " I saw it said 'Shake Well' after I took it".

Anyone who has ever dressed a child will love this one!

Did you hear about the Texas teacher who was helping one of her kindergarten students put on his cowboy boots? He asked for help & she could see why.

Even with her pulling and him pushing, the little boots still didn't want to go on. Finally, when the 2nd boot was on, she had ...Read more

In an office:
TOILET OUT OF ORDER...... PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW

In a Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT

In a London department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS

In an office:
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER ...Read more

For their anniversary, a couple went out for a romantic dinner. Their teenage daughters said they would fix a dessert and leave it waiting.

When they got home, they saw that the dining room table was beautifully set with china, crystal and candles, and there was a note that read: "Your dessert is in the refrigerator. We are staying with friends...Read more

1000 Years of German Humor
Everything men know about women
The Code of Ethics for Lawyers
Italian War Heroes
Who's who in Puerto Rico
Americans' Guide to Etiquette
Royal Family's Guide to Good Marriages
Safe Places to Travel in the USA
Jerry Garcia's Guide to Beating Drug Addiction
...Read more

Customer: Give me a hot dog.
Waiter: With pleasure.
Customer: No, with mustard.

Some race horses staying in a stable. One of them starts to boast about his track record. "In the last 15 races, I've won 8 of them!"

Another horse breaks in, "Well in the last 27 races, I've won 19!!"

"Oh that's good, but in the last 36 races, I've won 28!", says another, flicking his tail.

At this point, they notice that a greyhound dog has...Read more