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I own a yarmulke. It's embroidered in gold, and I bought it in the gift shop at Touro Synagogue in Newport, Rhode Island, the oldest Jewish temple in America.

I've had it for decades. I've worn it to a couple Jewish weddings, and as a reporter, I wore it when I had to cover a Jewish religious ceremony.

You go in the temple to attend or cover something, and there's always a box of cheap yarmulkes for the convenience of non-Jewish guests. I wait until they offer me one, and then I pull my gold yarmulke out of my sport coat pocket and put it on my head

"You think you're playing with amateurs?" I say.

That usually gets a laugh, and sometimes the person I say it to asks me if I'm Jewish.

"Naaah, I'm Catholic," I say. "But every man ought to have a yarmulke at home, just in case."

From now on, when I get asked that question, I'm gonna say something different.

"I'm as Jewish as Chuck Schumer," I'm gonna say.

Let them figure it out.

Of course, if I'm in a temple, they're not gonna have to figure it out. Jewish people KNOW Chuck Schumer is Jewish, and I figure they know best.

Donald Trump doesn't think they know best. He thinks he knows better than anyone. I'm sure if he was here, he'd be telling me I'm not Catholic, and there are priests in my family.

Schumer is a senator from New York. He's Jewish like I'm Catholic, which means that he's used to it.

Sitting in the Oval Office, which used to have a little class, President Donald Trump said: "Schumer is a Palestinian, as far as I'm concerned. You know, he's become a Palestinian. He used to be Jewish. He's not Jewish anymore. He's a Palestinian."

Remember during the presidential election, when people with hills of dirt inside their heads went round and round about "whether Kamala Harris was REALLY Black"?

That stuff doesn't go away, or at least it doesn't if you're something other than a white Christian. No one ever questions if you're REALLY a Methodist. On St. Patrick's Day, a city councilor named Napolitano can proudly announce that he had one Irish grandmother, and BOOM, the guy's in the St. Pat's Day parade wearing a green plastic derby.

But not if you're Black. If you're Black, it's what kind of Black? Thug Black? Suburban Black? White father Black? Gold chains Black? Volvo Black?

Same if you're Jewish. What kind of Jew? George Soros Jew? Lawyer Jew? Married to a Christian Jew?

How in the hell do you be Jewish enough for Donald Trump, a man who has no religious affiliation other than self-worship?

Maybe they oughta start teaching that in Hebrew School as an elective.

"OK, kids, today we're going to learn about how to be Jewish enough for Donald Trump."

When the teacher says that, you'll be able to hear the laughter out in the street.

And to Chuck Schumer, from this Catholic: Mazel tov! You're hated by all the right people.

To find out more about Marc Dion, and read words by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit www.creators.com. Dion's latest book, a collection of his best columns, is called "Mean Old Liberal." It is available in paperback from Amazon.com, and for Nook, Kindle and iBooks.