Q: The holidays are coming, and this is my first-year post-breakup. I'm stressed, more emotional than I have ever been, and overwhelmed and not looking forward to interacting with my children's mother. What's good ex-etiquette when you're trying to manage your own stress while co-parenting through the holidays?

A: The holidays amplify everything -- joy, grief, nostalgia and stress. When you're newly separated, the weight of "doing the holidays differently" can feel enormous. The key to good ex-etiquette during the holiday season isn't perfection. It's managing your stress so your children feel anchored even when traditions change.

Start by grounding yourself in reality: This year will feel different. Different isn't automatically worse but pretending that nothing has changed creates pressure for everyone. Children read your mood quickly. If you're anxious, tense or resentful, they'll absorb it. So, begin by taking the pressure off yourself. You don't have to create the perfect holiday. You only have to create a peaceful one.

Next, keep communication with your co-parent predictable. The holidays are hard enough without emotional curveballs. Don't negotiate when you're upset. Don't send texts late at night after consuming a bottle of your choice. Don't use the holiday schedule as a battleground for unresolved feelings. Good ex-etiquette is proactive: confirm plans early, keep communication neutral, and avoid last-minute changes that increase stress. When negotiating for a time trade or switching a holiday, "look for the compromise" (Good Ex-etiquette for Parents Rule No. 10) but also," "put yourself in your co-parent's shoes" (Ex-etiquette Rule No. 7) and don't ask them to do something you would never consider.

You also need emotional outlets outside your children. This is not the season to make your child your comfort partner. Share your feelings with a friend, therapist or support group, someone who can hold your emotions without absorbing them. When children sense they must cheer you up or keep you steady, holidays become heavy instead of joyful.

Create small rituals that soothe you. Five-minute breathing breaks. A walk after dinner. A warm cup of tea after the kids go to bed. These aren't luxuries; they are coping tools. But, beware: The holidays are the time of year when many rely on their favorite substance to alter their outlook; it's easy for that to get out of hand whether you are feeling down and unappreciated or celebrating that it's finally over.

When your nervous system is calm, your decisions improve and your reactions soften. Your children feel that difference instantly.

Finally, reframe the season. Instead of mourning what's gone, think about the traditions you can create. Children don't care about picture-perfect holidays. They care about connection. Keep them busy and do your best to stay busy, as well. A movie night. A special ornament. Pancakes for dinner. These small moments matter.

Good ex-etiquette reminds us that holidays after a breakup are not tests of your worth as a parent. They are opportunities to show your children that love, stability and warmth can exist even in times of change. Manage your stress, lead with kindness and give yourself permission to be human. That's how new traditions and new peace begin. That's good ex-etiquette.

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