Reader Gets Involved In Mom And Grandma's Fight
DEAR HARRIETTE: My mom has always had a troubled relationship with my grandmother, primarily due to growing up in poverty, surrounded by so much uncertainty. Due to her upbringing, my mom vowed to provide her children with a better life than what she had. After high school, my mom left home and became the first one in her family to obtain a college degree, and she married my father, who is from an upper-middle-class family. Lately, there has been even more tension between my mom and grandmother, with my grandmother believing my mom thinks she's better than the rest of the family since she has a degree, career and house in the suburbs.
I've always had a close relationship with my grandmother, but lately she's been snippy with me, trying to get me to pick sides. When it comes down to it, I would side with my mom. I don't want to be involved in their drama, even though I feel like I'm being dragged into it. What do you suggest I do to establish boundaries? -- Class Divide
DEAR CLASS DIVIDE: Tell your grandmother and your mother that you love them both and want the family to be happy again. Thank your mother for working hard to provide a good life for you, and then point out that her success and relative wealth sometimes make the rest of your family feel inadequate. Ask her to be more sensitive to them and less flashy all around.
Thank your grandmother for all she has done to care for your family and for you. Tell her you do not want to have to choose sides because you love them both. Add that you do not want to be in the middle of their squabbles. If she doesn't stop, back away for a while.
DEAR HARRIETTE: Last weekend, my best friend came to visit me since we go to different colleges. While she was here, we went out with some of my college friends, who brought along some guys they were seeing. I left the room for a few moments, but I overheard the men making derogatory remarks directly toward my best friend and making fun of her for being Indian. They were asking her how much curry she eats and other off-putting questions while laughing. Understandably, my best friend and I were uncomfortable and ended up leaving early. I apologized profusely to my best friend, and she said that, sadly, it happens often. I tried to bring it up with my college friends, but they changed the topic. My friends obviously aren't responsible for the actions of others, but I am hurt that they are continuing to surround themselves with these men, even after being told they made bigoted remarks. I don't know what to do. Do you have any advice? -- Awkward Encounter
DEAR AWKWARD ENCOUNTER: Sounds like your college "friends" aren't true friends. They should have spoken up to tell the guys to quit it. It's not OK to hear your guests make racist remarks and let that go unchecked. One way to stand your ground is to stay away from them.
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(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
Copyright 2026, Harriette Cole
COPYRIGHT 2026 Andrews McMeel Syndication. This feature may not be reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without the written permission of Andrews McMeel Syndication.
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