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DEAR MISS MANNERS: In the era of selfies, I'm as guilty as anyone of holding my phone out and snapping a photo of my spouse and me in front of some interesting feature. Those photos stay on my phone, or maybe on a social media account, but no further.

Conversely, my grandparents, of blessed memory, who never even heard the word "selfie," had 8x10 studio photographs of themselves framed and hanging on the walls in their respective living rooms. I also inherited large-format portrait photos of two pairs of great-grandparents, both of which are in fairly elaborate frames. They now hang in my living room.

Though it was obviously once common, I don't know anyone who has framed portraits of themselves in their homes now.

An oil portrait of my spouse and me isn't in our budget, but I have been considering hanging a professionally composed and framed photo of us in our home. Would this come across as narcissistic? Or is it simply a loving continuation of a three-generation tradition?

GENTLE READER: Who, in what you so aptly named the Era of Selfies, will dare to raise the charge of narcissism? And which is more blatant: including yourselves among family in your own living room, or posting it for all the world to see?

Showcasing painted portraits of oneself was considered acceptable because they were presumably valued for their artistic merit, rather than their subjects -- and never mind that the subjects had commissioned them in the first place.

If you want to be above reproach, Miss Manners suggests that you avoid pictures in which you are shaking hands with the president or displaying the biggest fish you ever caught. But frankly, she doubts that there is much danger these days, when modesty is no longer considered a virtue, but rather an unfortunate lack of self-esteem.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I had dinner party guests arrive 45 minutes early. They weren't confused about the time, they just came early. What should I have done?

I sat them in the living room, got them each a drink and then abandoned them for 45 minutes while I changed clothes and finished up in the kitchen. They seemed peevish when I finally joined them, but honestly, what should I have done?

GENTLE READER: Seated them in the living room, given them drinks, and then abandoned them while you changed clothes and finished up in the kitchen.

Too bad they didn't ask Miss Manners what they should have done: not arrived early, apologized if they did, thanked you for the drinks, and assured you that they would be fine sitting in the living room until you were ready.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I received an invitation to a 60th wedding anniversary party, and it states: "ABSOLUTELY NO GIFTS."

What can I do for the lovely couple, who have been family friends for many, many years? I really want to give them something!

GENTLE READER: Then give them something priceless: a letter of appreciation about them and the friendship.

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(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Copyright 2025 Judith Martin

COPYRIGHT 2025 JUDITH MARTIN