ArcaMax

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Due to the small size of our home, we host two holiday parties each year, essentially splitting one big gathering into two events so that we can see everyone.

We send different invites to separate guest lists. It is always a little uncomfortable when friends talk to each other and wonder why one of them was invited on this day and another on a different day.

Could I send an invitation that lists both parties, and let the guests RSVP as to the one they would like to attend? Of course, that would require guests to respond. Many don't even send regrets, which is all we currently ask.

I want to let my friends feel open to come to whichever is most convenient for them. Is that tacky?

GENTLE READER: You are asking for a lot of trouble on behalf of people who do not even trouble themselves to answer your invitations.

Even if this new plan prompts them to respond, what if they all want to attend on the same day? Lopsided attendance would defeat your judgment about the best use of your space.

If it were Miss Manners, she would invite only polite people, thus giving only one party. Perhaps a very intimate one. But you presumably want them all, as you have been kindly overlooking the rudeness of ignored invitations year after year.

So here is a kinder suggestion: Scrawl the phrase "'A' list," as if by accident, somewhere on both sets of invitations.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have an online shop and am able to keep a high rating due to reviews from customers who are, thankfully, very kind. It's important to keep the highest rating, as that attracts buyers to my shop.

I am also rated by the selling platform in several areas, one of which is how quickly I answer messages. I can usually figure out something kind to say to my customers. However, every once in a while, I get someone who just wants to rant, mostly about the prices of goods in my shop.

I guess these people don't understand that I have to buy the things I sell, and can only sell them cheaply when I can buy them at a very reasonable price. When that doesn't happen, some people want to unload their anger on me. I get hateful messages asking who I think I am to ask such outrageous amounts.

I would just ignore them, but to keep my top rating, I have to answer. I want to be polite, but I am sometimes tempted to reply, "No one is forcing you to buy this. If you don't like the price, you are free to shop elsewhere."

I would prefer something firm -- some of these people want to start a fight and keep fighting.

GENTLE READER: "Do you know other shops that are able to get these items and sell them for less? Because I'd love to ask them how they do it."

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(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Copyright 2024 Judith Martin

COPYRIGHT 2024 JUDITH MARTIN