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Dear Annie: I have lost most of my family and many close friends, and I struggle with depression myself. There are days when the silence in my house feels almost too loud.

Over time, I have learned how to be alone without completely falling apart. I have a pet who has been a lifeline for me. This little creature depends on me, greets me at the door, curls up beside me and gives me a reason to get up and keep going. That steady love has pulled me through some very dark mornings.

Every day when I wake up, I ask myself, "Do you want this to be a good day or a bad day?" I always choose "good," even when my heart feels heavy, and I try to act in ways that support that choice.

Recently, my neighbor died from cancer. She tried so hard to stay alive. Watching her fight made me see how precious this gift of life really is. When I asked my husband if he ever gets depressed, he said no, because he does not live in his own head. His advice is to stop dwelling on the negative and go look for beauty instead. Bird watch, cook, bake, garden, get a cat, get two, notice the small things.

I want to encourage people who feel hopeless to choose life and to seek out beauty, but I worry it will sound too simple or dismissive of real pain. How can I share what has helped me without sounding preachy or naive about how hard depression really is? -- Struggling

Dear Struggling: You are not silly or naive. You are a survivor who has figured out how to keep putting one foot in front of the other. Pets, beauty, routine, asking for a "good day" when you wake up -- those are real tools. Keep them.

But depression is more than a mindset. It is an illness, and illnesses deserve treatment, not just willpower.

The most powerful message you can share is this: "Do what you can at home, but also ask for help." Encourage people to talk to a therapist, counselor or psychiatrist.

You do not lose any strength by seeing a professional. You simply add another person to your team. Choosing life is brave. Choosing help is, too.

Dear Annie: Now that my youngest left for college, everyone keeps telling me I've "entered my freedom era." The truth is, I feel anything but free. I miss the chaos of packed lunches, carpool arguments and sports gear in the hallway.

My two grown kids call, but only when they're driving or walking somewhere. Conversations feel rushed, like I'm a box they're checking off. When they do come home, they're on their phones or making plans with friends. I end up cooking, cleaning and pretending I'm not hurt.

My husband seems to be adjusting fine. He's golfing more, and when I try to talk about how lonely I feel, he says I should "find a hobby."

How do I build a new life without resenting the people I raised to leave? -- Empty Nest, Full Heart

Dear Full Heart: Your kids aren't rejecting you; they're practicing adulthood, which you actually did a good job preparing them for. Still, your feelings are real, and "find a hobby" is not the deep emotional support you were hoping for.

Start by gently telling your husband, "I'm really grieving this stage. Can we plan one new thing to enjoy together?" A class, a trip, even a weekly date night counts.

With your kids, be specific: "Can we have one real catch-up call on Sundays?" or "During your next visit, let's cook dinner together, phones away." Grown kids do better with clear, kind requests than with silent hurt.

You're not losing your role. You're rewriting it -- and you get a say in the new chapter.

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"Out of Bounds: Estrangement, Boundaries and the Search for Forgiveness" is out now! Annie Lane's third anthology is for anyone who has lived with anger, estrangement or the deep ache of being wronged -- because forgiveness isn't for them. It's for you. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Follow Annie Lane on Instagram at @dearannieofficial. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.