ArcaMax

It's another bustling week in these United States. I've taken the liberty of rounding up quick, easy recipe ideas to soften the grind of work, kids, bills and the unremitting despair of cognitive dissonance in the face of a 24-hour news cycle. Besides, everyone loves Trader Joe's!

Shaved steak and noodles: Combine thin-sliced beef with Thai wheat noodles, any green veggie and Soyaki sauce. Saute in one pot while you compare photos of Alligator Alcatraz, which you have just learned is holding hundreds of immigrants with no criminal charges, with World War II-era concentration camps. Sprinkle with sesame seeds while screaming gutturally over the steaming pan.

Tortellini bake: Boil a package of spinach tortellini until just underdone. Toss with a favorite sauce, mozzarella and protein of choice. Bake at 350 while you Google "Epstein files explained." Reflect on how Pam Bondi honestly used to be pretty normal back when she worked in Tampa. What happened? Top the bubbling bake with shredded basil while contemplating which conditions would seduce you, too, to sell your soul.

Enchilada casserole: In a glass baking dish, layer tortillas with fire-roasted corn, shredded cheddar, pulled chicken and enchilada sauce. Bake until cheese is just melted, about the time it takes to ask the nearest teen what a Labubu is, only to be met with disgusted sneers because Labubus are already on the way out, you stupid idiot. Broil for a crispy top.

Braised roast and taters: Pretend you spent hours in the kitchen by nuking TJ's grass-fed sirloin roast and frozen mashed potatoes. This will give you more time to scroll houses on Zillow you'll never be able to afford despite doing everything society told you to do from a young age. Roast carrots in olive oil and salt while reading that, as the cost of groceries are still rising, 13 states turned down federal funds to help feed families. Mmm, comfort food.

Soup dumpling bowls: Lightly fry mixed veggies in spicy chili oil and combine with miso ginger broth and steamed dumplings as the summer rain falls perilously outside the kitchen window. It's creating, huh, well, looks sort of like a body of water, actually, a lake that shouldn't be there. Concerning. Divide soup among four bowls and side-eye the unopened letter from your home insurer that has struck fear into your heart for a week.

Viral pasta: Dollop caramelized onion dip into a skillet and dilute with water. Drop in a cube of crushed garlic and a drizzle of chili crisp before finishing your al dente spaghetti in the sauce. Top with parmesan while wondering if our brains were designed to withstand this much stimulus or if we were meant to be in caves eating a bison we clubbed over the head. Check water content of sauce. Ponder how previous generations' news was contained to an hour each morning or night in papers and on television, not fed continuously via a handheld computer spitting out nuggets of disaster for which you feel, somehow, personally responsible. Turn off the burner. Wrestle with the mental effects of short-form video clips showing complex and violent global crises between fashion advice, Labubu content and AI-generated movie posters. Plate pasta as you decide which nightmare you are not paying enough attention to due to your privilege. Decide here and now, at 6:24 p.m., while the dog is hunching to go No. 2 in the corner because you forgot about him, and your child needs help resetting the password on the iPad you are conflicted about her having, and your spouse wants to know if you paid the electric bill, to be a better citizen of the world. Serve with side salad.

Just wine, basically: That's all.

========

Stephanie Hayes is a columnist at the Tampa Bay Times in Florida. Follow her at @stephhayes on X or @stephrhayes on Instagram.

----

Copyright 2025 Creators Syndicate Inc.