Four-year-old Johnny was eating a hot dog when he dropped it on the floor. He quickly picked it up and was about to take another bite when his mom said, "No, Johnny, you can't eat that now it has germs."

Johnny ...Read More

... continued from above

BEER: It's not just for breakfast anymore.

So you're a feminist...Isn't that cute.

I need someone really bad... Are you really bad?

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

Where there's a will...I want to be on it.

It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.

Don't drink and drive...You might hit a bump and spill your drink.

Continued ...Read More

The Pope was getting into his limo one night when he turned to the limo driver and said, "Before I die, I would love to drive this beautiful limo just once."

"Well, here," the limo driver says, "Take the wheel, Your ...Read More

Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the reader who doesn't get it.

Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very high.

Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, ...Read More

- If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "I'm so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems; my arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died. ...Read More