You can make book on the fact that I’m not a guy to sweep things under the rug. But you may be floored to know that I brought the hammer down on our latest home improvement project.

That’s why I had to clean my office of enough books to bury Moby-Dick so new flooring could be installed with the help of yours truly and my trusty hammer.

...Read more

I like to think I’m a tough cookie, but my sweet tooth, which may have a cavity, can’t resist the treats sold every year by the Girl Scouts.

That’s why I have bought two boxes of cookies from my 8-year-old granddaughter, who represents the third generation of Girl Scouts in our family.

They include my wife, Sue, and our two daughters, ...Read more

When you’re retired, you don’t live in the fast lane. In fact, my wife, Sue, and I are on the side of the road with a flat tire. The trade-off is that you can’t get fired from a job you don’t have.

Still, there has been great concern by a certain prominent person about how certain subordinate but no less important people spend their ...Read more

To sleep — perchance to snore. Ay, there’s the rib, which my wife, Sue, pokes every time I snore while she’s trying to sleep.

My unconscious imitation of a buzzsaw, which I allegedly do often enough that Sue has to go into another room to get a good night’s slumber, is the reason I have been signed up to participate in a sleep study, ...Read more

When you’re a grandparent, you want only the best for the newest addition to the family. That’s why my wife, Sue, and I went shopping in anticipation of baby’s first visit and came home with everything the little one needs, including a bowl for food, one for water, a stick for teething, a bag of treats for snacks, toys for playing, a leash...Read more

Row, row, row my seat swiftly down the track.

Warily, warily, warily, warily, my body’s out of whack.

That’s the tune I sang to myself — because I didn’t want to scare everyone else at the gym — as I rocked and rolled on a rowing machine under the expert guidance of my very own personal trainer.

I decided to go back to the gym ...Read more

No matter what I do, whether it’s good, bad or just plain stupid, my wife, Sue, has my back. And I have hers.

But lately, neither one of us has wanted to make the exchange. That’s because we both threw our backs out.

I injured mine while cleaning the bathroom, which is what I get for trying to be helpful around the house.

The irony was ...Read more

I have always believed that if you have an appointment with an eye doctor, you should show up late. When the doctor asks why you weren’t on time, you can say, “I couldn’t find you.”

This will let him or her see — with the aid of prescription glasses, because eye doctors invariably wear them — that you are in the right place and will...Read more

If you want something done, goes an old saying, do it yourself. Unless you’re me, in which case you not only have a lot to worry about but couldn’t finish a do-it-yourself project or write a self-help book without asking someone else (not me) for help.

This is especially true when it comes to self-checkouts.

“Are you ready to check out?�...Read more

As the very model of the modern medical marvel, I have survived an aortic aneurysm, a terrible bout of COVID-19 and, worst of all, a nasty paper cut.

Not to be outdone, my wife, Sue, lived through a heart attack, came down with COVID, too, and underwent painful hand surgery.

But we recently had to deal with the most daunting of medical ...Read more

Being a grandfather can be magical — as long as you don’t end up in jail.

That’s the lesson I learned recently when my wife, Sue, and I got together with our five grandchildren and their parents for a week in which I assisted in science experiments performed with a magic wand, was nearly bitten by a king cobra and trampled by a ...Read more

According to statistics that must be true or I wouldn’t have made them up, 87% of grandfathers couldn’t pass a third-grade math test.

This is shocking because it represents almost half the grandpa population.

Unfortunately, I am in this group because I recently got taken to school by my 8-year-old granddaughter, who is in third grade, has ...Read more