There is a familiar saying that you can choose your friends, but not your family. For most of the year, that fact can feel like a blessing and a curse. During the holidays, when we squeeze around crowded tables, eat more than we should, and bring many personalities into one home, it should feel like a blessing.

Family members are the people who allow you to be yourself. You can be silly, serious, vulnerable or anything in between. Even when disagreements happen, you should be able to count on your relatives to come back together because of the experiences you share and the mutual respect you hold for one another. Families matter, and they deserve to be protected.

Nothing threatens that sense of protection faster than political conversations during a holiday gathering. Families are supposed to be places where people share values and offer one another unconditional love. That is the ideal we all hope for. In real life, though, those bonds can be fragile and easily strained. Add in the stress of the holidays, a few drinks, and months of pent-up frustration from constant news coverage, and it does not take long for things to go off track.

In recent years, political conversations have become sharper, angrier and much more personal. Opinions that were once confined to online comment sections now spill into living rooms. Comments that people used to make anonymously from behind a screen now land directly on the feelings of siblings, cousins and in-laws.

These moments do not lead to better understanding or healthier debate. Instead, they damage relationships and create lasting hurt.

None of it is worth the fallout. Most families enter the holidays already stressed. There is traffic to fight, crowded stores to tolerate, budget worries to juggle, school events to attend, decorations to manage and travel hassles to endure.

Many of us are exhausted before we even carve the turkey. The last thing anyone needs is our uncle launching into a lengthy complaint about inflation or a sibling presenting her newest conspiracy theory while the stuffing is being passed around.

Sure, some disagreement can be typical. It can even be healthy. However, very few political discussions during Thanksgiving dinner turn into healthy exchanges. Especially not today and not in this super-charged environment. What usually happens instead is that anger hides inside what looks like analysis.

Attempts to score points replace thoughtful conversations. Judgment pretends to be a conviction. The result of even the strongest of family bonds is extreme pressure.

It is worth remembering the amount of effort that goes into hosting a holiday gathering. People spend hours preparing meals, cleaning homes, coordinating schedules and trying to make everything memorable.

Even the loud vacuum is part of the ritual (I really despise the noise.) One careless comment can ignite a fight that overshadows the entire day. Suddenly, the person who spent hours basting a turkey is apologizing for raised voices, and two relatives aren’t speaking.

There is no reason to invite that kind of trouble into a day meant to bring people together. Instead of trying to win an argument, you can try something simple and meaningful. Offer kindness.

Thanksgiving exists so we can express gratitude, and this is an opportunity to practice that. Tell someone you appreciate them. Compliment the food. Acknowledge the effort others have made. Look for areas where you agree. They are always there, even when politics makes it harder to see them.

When in doubt, many other topics can keep conversations warm and safe. Talk about sports, since even rivalries there can be friendly. Share family memories, because we never know who may be missing from the table next year or who may be joining for the first time. Discuss careers, travel, plans, childhood stories, or the latest show everyone is watching. All of these things remind us why we came together in the first place.

Families will continue to grow and change. There is no need to speed up that process by making the holidays uncomfortable or by harming the relationships we should be able to rely on, no matter what.

Politics will still be waiting tomorrow. The news cycle never stops. Social media is not going to pause for the holiday.

Your family gatherings are special and rare. You can create a memory. Protect it. Guard it. Let the holidays be what they were meant to be, which is a reminder that even with everything happening in the world, we still have a group of people who know us and love us and choose to show up. They do this not because they agree with us, but because they are our family.

This year, keep your politics to yourself. Pass the potatoes and not provocations. Choose connection instead of conflict. Let Thanksgiving be a time to remember not what divides us, but what and who truly matter.

_____

ABOUT THE WRITER

Dan Rene is a strategic communications counselor at Dan Rene Communications. He wrote this for InsideSources.com.

_____

©2025 Tribune Content Agency, LLC