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Two of the most dangerous words in the English language are: “What if?” They can easily divorce you from reality and suck you into endless hours of pure speculation: What if James Comey hadn’t released that last-minute report on Hillary Clinton’s emails? What if Merrick Garland hadn’t waited so long to file charges against Donald Trump? What if Joe Biden had only dropped out earlier?

But this week, watching video from the Marine base in Quantico, Virginia, I couldn’t resist: What if there were a thought bubble over the heads of more than 800 top-ranked generals and admirals forced to abandon their posts, fly around the globe and sit there like school kids to be lectured to by newbie “Secretary of War” Pete Hegseth?

No need for speculation here. We know what they – everyone of whom has more experience and knows vastly more about the military than Hegseth – were thinking. Even omitting obscenities, no doubt their reactions ranged from: “What does this Fox News pretty boy know about the military?” to “He’s out of his f----g mind.”

Their body language said it all. They didn’t laugh, applaud or nod in approval. They just sat there silently, clearly not happy to hear this drivel. One year ago, Hegseth was a weekend talk show host on Fox News. This year, he’s strutting across the stage like a peacock, telling our most-senior military leaders how to do their jobs. It was humiliating, embarrassing and insulting. And costly. God only knows how much it cost to fly them all there. Doesn’t Hegseth know how to use email? Or Zoom?

Boiled down, Hegseth’s message could be summed up as: “You all suck. You’re too weak, too soft, too fat, and too many of you have your titles only because you’re a woman, or gay or Black.” The ideal soldier is male, straight and white.

The Pentagon must adopt a “warrior ethos,” Hegseth told the generals. Which means returning to the “1990 test” – when women were barred from combat and LGBTQ Americans were banned from serving. To which he added several ultimatums. They all had to shave facial hair. “No more beardos.” Lose weight. No more “fat generals in the halls of the Pentagon.” Do a strenuous workout every day. And take a PT test twice a year.

The military’s new rule is the “highest male standard,” Hegseth declared. Then, dismissing the thousands of women who are now serving, and have served with distinction, in both support and combat roles in the military, Hegseth sniffed: “If women — and weak men — don’t make the grade, so be it.”

As part of his clean face, trim body campaign, Hegseth did not say whether Vice President J.D. Vance would have to shave his beard or if Commander-in-Chief Donald Trump would have to lose 60 pounds.

But as bad as Hegseth’s Quantico performance was, Trump’s was even worse. Hegseth came with a message. Trump came with a rambling, incomprehensible monologue in which he attacked Barack Obama and Joe Biden, insisted he alone deserves the Nobel Peace Prize and supported ICE officers’ use of violence against protesters.

Then, in a stunning twist, Trump told generals their main focus should not be on fighting foreign enemies, but on the “enemy within,” meaning fighting urban crime in cities like Washington, New York, Chicago, San Francisco, Portland and Memphis – all cities with Democratic mayors. In fact, Trump said, “I told Pete, we should use some of these dangerous cities as training grounds for our military.”

Use American cities as training grounds for the military? Putin would be proud. At that point, Trump’s lucky every general didn’t stand up and walk out of the room. But we know what they were thinking: “What an idiot! We didn’t join the military to fight our fellow Americans. And we know, even if he doesn’t, that the Posse Comitatus Act of 1878 expressly bars federal troops from participating in civilian law enforcement except when expressly authorized by law.”

In truth, as disgusting as it was, what happened at Quantico was classic Trump. The assembled generals and admirals should have expected no less. After all, this is “President Bone-Spurs,” the same man who went to the Pentagon on July 20, 2017 and told the military’s top commanders: “I wouldn’t go to war with you people. You’re a bunch of dopes and babies.”

Unlike most Americans when speaking about the military, in Donald Trump’s vocabulary there are five words missing: “Thank you for your service.”

(Bill Press is host of The BillPressPod, and author of 10 books, including: “From the Left: My Life in the Crossfire.” His email address is: bill@billpress.com. Readers may also follow him on Twitter @billpresspod and on BlueSky @BillPress.bsky.social.)

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