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Q: My aging mother has been living in a nursing home for just over a year. She's always been a very positive person, but now she barely speaks to us when we visit her. Is depression a normal part of the aging process? What can we do?

Jim: Professional counselors say that, unfortunately, depression can be fairly common among people in your mother's situation and stage of life. But that doesn't mean it's "normal." Physical incapacity, chronic pain, increasing dependency, loss and fear of death may trigger the onset of clinical depression -- a condition that goes beyond temporary sadness.

Depression should never be considered normal, even late in life. Generally speaking, older people are less likely than younger folks to seek help; many grew up in an era when emotions were seldom expressed. But stifled emotions can become toxic if they're allowed to fester.

First, note that certain medications list depression as a potential side effect. Review your mother's medications with her doctor to determine if she's taking anything that could be contributing.

Next, come alongside your mother with prayer and encouragement. Sit with her in dark moments, and emphasize how much she means to you. Encourage her to reminisce about years gone by. Remembering people and events from the past might help draw her out of her depressed state. Enlist friends, family and neighbors to visit her regularly. Provide things she can look forward to by including her in family gatherings whenever possible.

Finally, engage the help of a qualified mental health professional. Although some older people distrust such assistance, early therapeutic treatment is important to prevent more serious problems. Most people who start receiving treatment for depression, including seniors, show improvement within a few weeks.

Our staff counselors would be happy to discuss this situation with you over the phone; call 855-771-HELP (4357).

Q: I've heard various people, including you, talk about core needs kids have as they grow up. I'm specifically curious to hear more about how I can help my preteen daughter have a sense of belonging.

Dr. Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting & Youth: Understanding core needs in children helps you make sense of what may be leading to certain desires, thoughts, emotions and behaviors. Researchers consistently agree on a few main core needs: a sense of belonging, a sense of worth, a sense of competence and a sense of autonomy. As you explore these needs, your kids will feel more known, loved and connected to you.

Let's look at the need to belong. Kids want to feel "normal" and understood, especially by others their own age. They want to have other people they identify with and want to be thought about by peers. Who does your preteen want to spend time with, and for what reasons? Validate the fact that she wants to feel connected, and that it feels scary or nerve-wracking to lack that sense of belonging. This core need can help you learn about your child's longings and insecurities, as well as who she admires -- and why.

Help your daughter learn to search for belonging with self-confidence rather than out of desperation. Desperation tends to lead to trying to "fit in" rather than allowing space to be accepted for who she really is. Belonging is experienced when others take interest in getting to know who we are -- and still love us, imperfections and all. Help your child continue to understand who she has been created to be as she invests in relationships.

The preteen years can be confusing and challenging to both you and your child; however, it's an incredible time of growth and self-discovery. For more practical parenting customized to the ages of each of your kids, sign up at www.MyKidsAge.com.

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Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at jimdalyblog.focusonthefamily.com or at Facebook.com/JimDalyFocus.

Copyright 2025 Focus On The Family. (This feature may not by reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without written permission of Focus on the Family.)

COPYRIGHT 2025 Andrews McMeel Syndication. This feature may not be reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without the written permission of Andrews McMeel Syndication.