Every day, I get the question, from both clients and friends, “Should I pay for the dating apps?” And when they are referring to the apps, they are referring to the ones like Hinge and Bumble where the basic services are free but there are in-app upgrades. (Sites like Match.com and eHarmony require payment in order to communicate with people on those sites, so those are not part of this discussion.)

Here's what I had to say about it:

All of the dating apps are very usable and quite good for free. Paying for the dating apps is not a requirement. In fact, I often tell people not to pay for the apps. But, please note that I don’t say this because I don't believe the apps, and their respective parent companies, shouldn’t be charging for their services. I believe anything in life that's important to people often takes time, energy … and money.

Most of the apps are very usable without paying. People are sometimes under the false impression that these apps, like the two I mentioned above, are hiding things from you or they're storing better people somewhere. They’re not.

What you get when you do pay is more functionality. You do not get a different group of people. (On Hinge, for example, you might have to pay for a “rose” to write to someone in your “standouts.” That’s one of the additional pieces of functionality.) You certainly don't get “better” people. You get more filters. You get the ability to use travel mode on some of the apps. You get to screen by other things, like religion, height or political preferences. You get to see all of the people who already liked you, which can be advantageous. And you get more swipes or messages you can send per day/week. In other words, you get more opportunities.

Paying for dating apps may also give you a psychological boost. When people invest money in something, they often take it more seriously and put in a bit more effort, whether that means updating their photos, sending thoughtful messages or logging in more consistently. So, while the actual features might not change your results dramatically, the mindset shift that comes from “having some skin in the game” can make a subtle difference.

So, do I think paying is necessary or required? Absolutely not.

I admittedly get annoyed when people say, “But I paid, so I should be doing better.” Perhaps, but if you're still putting in minimal effort, it actually won't make a difference at all.

I have no issues with the dating apps charging for additional services. They are a business, and they should make money for providing this tool to all of us.

To summarize, all of the dating apps (the ones you use on your phone, as I mentioned) can be used, and can be used well, for free. If you pay, you get some additional functionality. Is it a requirement? No.

I heard someone say recently, “You shouldn't pay for love.” That's where I'll disagree. Again, anything in life that's important — you go to a therapist, you pay your therapist; you go to an accountant, you pay your accountant — takes resources. If you value something in life, I do believe there is often a cost associated with that.

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