We have a range of questions today, from hairpieces (!!) to the ghosting (hint: don’t do it) to someone slowly pulling back after a number of great dates.

Let’s get into it…

Q: On our third date, he admitted that he's bald and wears a hairpiece. Am I wrong to feel cheated?

A: If somebody does something to enhance their looks to make themselves more confident, I fully support that. I don't believe they need to share every little thing they are doing in that department with every stranger, just like you likely wear makeup or whatever makes you feel better when you present yourself. As long as the person he presented online is the person who showed up, I wouldn't feel "cheated." But that is purely my opinion and you should do whatever makes you feel comfortable.

I do understand how it might feel jarring. But think about how much courage it probably took him to share that with you.

Q: Why do they express interest in a second date (uncoerced!) then ghost you?!

A: Please keep in mind that I don't support this behavior, but I do understand it.

Some people -- often men -- say exactly how they feel in the moment. And in that moment, they want to see you again. But when they get home or when they wake up the next day, it's almost like, poof, that feeling is gone.

Ghosting is not OK, and I certainly wish people would tell you they had a change of heart. But people are notoriously bad communicators, and they sometimes think they are "sparing you" if they just slink away quietly.

Remember that words and actions have to align, and in this case, you get to learn early that they don't. Consider that a win.

Q: What do you think of the Mel Robbins "Let Them" theory?

A: I'll admit that I only read a few chapters of the book before it got a little monotonous. Regardless, I did like the theory. I agree that it's important for us to let people show us who they are. "Let them” in other words. As I often say, it's better to be an observer than a detective in the beginning. And in the early stages, we don't need to teach people how to behave, but rather, we need to see how they do behave to collect that data.

But the second part of her theory is "let me," which people often forget or discount. Once someone shows us how they behave, it is completely up to us how to react to that and decide what we allow into our lives.

Practically speaking, I only have reliable friends. This is not because I have trained my friends to become reliable. It's because I observe behaviors. If someone flakes or cancels on me twice (let them), I simply don’t make plans with them again (let me), thereby letting people be however they are but cultivating people in my life who live up to my standards.

Q: First date was last Thursday. We texted Friday to plan another for next Monday. Now I can't find him on Hinge.

A: Good. I honestly think it causes entirely too much stress when people who are currently seeing each other can also see and monitor each other's profiles. I get entirely too many questions about what to do when someone changes their profile after a good number of dates. It's simply information we shouldn't have. Anyway...

Just text this:

"Hope you had a great weekend! Looking forward to seeing you next Monday. Just confirming since I noticed we're not matched on Hinge anymore."

You'll know immediately if he's being a sly, cowardly weirdo and unmatching you so as to not actually reject you or if he simply unmatches people he has already met. Which is healthy. (Though he could have/should have told you that. If this is your practice, just tell someone. No biggie!)

Q: I feel like he's pulling away after four great dates. Haven't heard back. What to do?

A: "Hey there! Hope you had a great weekend. I noticed a change in our communication since our last date. Just wanted to check in and see how you're feeling about things."

You'll know everything by their answer. They will either deny the change in communication, explain the change in communication, or end things with you.

I know some people will tell you to suck it up, accept that he is no longer interested, and move on. I understand and see the validity in that. But I always think these are good opportunities for practicing open communication for either this person or the next. And after four dates, I do believe a conversation needs to be had, even if just over text.

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