ArcaMax

Meditation is a proven path to inner thoughts, to thoughts circling consciousness. It can serve as a quiet time in your busy life, a few minutes of total calm in which you allow your mind the quietude and rest it needs -- and certainly deserves. In the 15 minutes or so of quiet time, meditating, you'll hear the voice of your inner thoughts finally taking center stage, and giving you silent time allowing you to muse on them. Think about them. Your deepest thoughts, needs and individuality rising to make themselves heard and inspire you to action.

--Want to hear another example of negative thinking? Try this on for size: "I'm a half-member of my family/church/community because I'm not married." And this gem: "All the good and desirable people are already married." Need another? "It's not normal to be single. Being married is much healthier." And then of course there's the ultimate zinger, the fatal blow to the smallest shred of self-confidence a single person might cling to: "Independence means selfishness." Try and refute that one.

--Each one of us walks single file on our journey, in the final analysis, so it's important that we learn to carry our own weight. Which makes it crucial to dump beliefs that weigh us down with negativism and fear, the excess baggage that can become part and parcel of our psyches if we give our consent by doing nothing! There are negative consequences of inaction; think about it.

--I admit it. Searching for someone who rings your bells is a large part of single life. But -- and this is huge -- knowing what you want makes it easier to find. Do this for an exercise: First, list the traits in a platonic friend that appeal to you. Then list the traits in a lover that do the same thing. The traits that overlap will form the core of your quest, the kind of person you want as a life partner. There. Now go find her/him.

--Many single people are afraid to ask more from a close friendship, scared to risk losing it all -- the friendship and the hope of something more. Men can hesitate to make a loving gesture toward the woman, and women can feel the same reluctance/fear with the man of their choice. The result? The relationship can die from inertia, hopes are smothered, and two people walk away -- emotions suppressed, hopes unspoken -- in separate directions. It need not be so. Dare to Dare!

--This old planet is in sad shape, in need of love, now more than ever. Have you adopted a stream or volunteered for recycling in your community? Right now, while you're thinking about it, call your local United Way, and ask where you can help. Even before you do the work, I bet you'll glow.

--Every now and then, I like to remind you about your single file, the resource that can make your life much less stressful and more convenient, with all the email addresses, names, phone numbers in one place in your home. I encourage you to look through your file regularly, maybe Friday night or Saturday morning, to see if anyone in it has moved or gotten a new mobile phone. (A new address, a new resource, a new name -- all at your fingertips. Literally!) Having the names and numbers of all the resources you need during a day/week/month will make your life organized and easier. Promise.

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Have a question for Susan? You can reach her directly at susan@single-file.com. We've uncovered another treasure trove of "Single File" paperbacks -- in perfect condition, signed by Susan, ready to enjoy. Send $15 and your address: Susan Deitz, C/O Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254.