ArcaMax

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was asked to be my friend's maid of honor, and I said no. For context, I said no because I had a baby five months ago and I'm recovering and getting used to now having three young children. I have had little energy to do much of anything. The last thing I need to add to my plate is being heavily involved in a wedding. This friend and I have only known each other for a year. She doesn't have many close friends, so I became her obvious choice. When she asked me, I tried to explain my situation and told her that while I would love to attend the wedding and support her, I didn't feel like I could properly fulfill the responsibilities of being a maid of honor right now.

She seemed understanding in the moment, but since then she has been distant and noticeably colder toward me. Now I'm starting to feel guilty even though I know I was being honest about my limitations. Part of me wonders if I should have just said yes and tried to make it work, but another part of me knows I'm already stretched very thin. Did I do my friend wrong by saying no to her? -- Can't Do It

DEAR CAN'T DO IT: You made the right decision based on your circumstances and your understanding of the role of maid of honor. Too often, people feel flattered and accept that role but don't fulfill their duties -- which are primarily to support the bride in every way possible. To do that well takes a lot of energy and time. Clearly, with a newborn and two other children, you do not have that time to give.

It's also clear that your friend's feelings are hurt. She may have been there for you during your pregnancy or otherwise as a close friend. She may feel that you are letting her down. Do your best to talk to her. Schedule a time to get together. Tell her how you feel about her and how happy you are for her upcoming wedding. Express that you want only the best for her but you simply don't have that to offer right now. Tell her that it is out of respect for her that you have declined to take on this responsibility that you will not be able to successfully fulfill, but that doesn't mean you don't love her.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a friend who has been hurt by somebody he took in during a time of need. Although my friend is a very giving and kind person, he is upset and feels used. The person that my friend is helping doesn't understand the value of his help, which has created a rift between the two. The situation has caused undue stress to all parties involved; however, I see how angry it is making my friend, as he is now uncomfortable in his own home.

I am not sure how to advise. I completely understand where his anger is coming from. It is hard to comprehend why the person you have gone out of your way to help would take from you. I have been trying to encourage my friend to handle this with kindness and compassion while still acknowledging that his feelings are valid. How would you recommend I defuse the situation? -- Understandably Angry

DEAR UNDERSTANDABLY ANGRY: Sounds like it's time for your friend to ask this other person to find a new place to live. As my mother would say, they have worn out their welcome. Encourage your friend to cut ties. He has done enough.

========

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Copyright 2026, Harriette Cole

COPYRIGHT 2026 Andrews McMeel Syndication. This feature may not be reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without the written permission of Andrews McMeel Syndication.