Meddling Friend Impedes Romance
DEAR HARRIETTE: There's a guy I like. We've spent time around each other in group settings, and he seems like someone worth exploring. There's chemistry between us; we flirt often, but part of me is afraid to cross the line. The complication is that we have a mutual friend who can be incredibly nosy and invasive. This friend has a habit of inserting herself into other people's romances -- asking overly personal questions, sharing information that isn't hers to share and trying to be a mediator when no one asks. I worry that if I choose to explore things further, it wouldn't feel private. I don't want every date, milestone or disagreement to be shared with someone who is our friend but really is just keen on meddling.
I'm torn because I don't want to pass up something and someone meaningful. Is it realistic to think we could set boundaries and keep our romance separate from this friend, or is this a red flag I shouldn't ignore? Is it worth it? -- Romance or Red Flag
DEAR ROMANCE OR RED FLAG: If you really like this guy -- which it seems you do -- give the relationship a chance. Get to a first date. Enjoy yourself, and, before it's over, tell him your concerns about your mutual friend. Ask him if he is interested in pursuing a relationship with you, then suggest keeping it under wraps -- at least from your mutual friend -- as you get to know each other. Being up-front with him gives you the best chance of knowing what to expect in the near future anyway.
Know that since you share this friend, the time will likely come when she learns of your relationship, and the chatter will begin. You do not have to help fuel it, though.
DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband and I went out to dinner with a group of friends the other night. I was having a nice time until one friend made a mean comment about my appearance. He said my nose was large, so I must be able to smell better than everyone at the table. The worst part is that everyone laughed, including my husband. I tried to laugh it off because I didn't want to make things awkward, but I felt humiliated. It's not the first time this friend has made jokes about people's appearances, but this was the first time it was directed at me. I've always been self-conscious about my nose, and hearing it pointed out so publicly hit a nerve.
Later that night, I told my husband the comment bothered me. He said I was being too sensitive and that it was just a joke. He suggested that if I act offended, I'll make future gatherings uncomfortable for everyone. Am I wrong for being upset at not only our friend who made the joke, but also my husband who didn't defend me? -- Offended
DEAR OFFENDED: Have you ever called out this friend when he has ridiculed anyone else? Sounds like the issue is that he gets away with being rude. Now that it's your turn, you realize firsthand how uncomfortable it is. Speak to him directly. Tell him you don't appreciate him making fun of you -- or the other people about whom he has made disparaging comments. Ask him to stop. If it makes things uncomfortable for a bit, so be it. Next time he ridicules someone publicly, ask him to stop in the moment.
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(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
Copyright 2026, Harriette Cole
COPYRIGHT 2026 Andrews McMeel Syndication. This feature may not be reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without the written permission of Andrews McMeel Syndication.
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