Friend's Comments About Daughter Cross The Line
DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend and I were talking recently, and she made a comment about my daughter that caught me off guard. It wasn't outright cruel, but it was insensitive: She implied that my daughter was "a lot to handle" and hinted that her behavior made it difficult for people to be around her. I know kids can be overwhelming at times, and I'm not blind to the fact that my daughter has her moments, but the way she said it felt judgmental -- almost like she had been holding this opinion for a while and finally let it slip. It really hurt my feelings. I didn't say anything in the moment because I was shocked and didn't want to escalate things, but now I keep replaying it in my head.
To make things worse, my friend has been acting like nothing happened. She texts me casually, asks to hang out and seems completely unaware of how her comment landed. I don't want to let resentment build, but I also don't want to start a fight, especially over something involving my child. How do I bring this up without making the situation more tense? How do I communicate that comments about my daughter cross a line, even if she didn't mean to hurt me? -- About My Daughter
DEAR ABOUT MY DAUGHTER: Why not start by asking your friend to explain her concerns about your daughter? It must have taken a lot for her to say anything to you. There's a possibility that she has observed behavior that is legitimately concerning. Give her space to tell you what worries her. Do your best to listen and not lash out.
You can also tell your friend that it hurt your feelings that she seemed to be judging your daughter and that it was hard to hear what she was saying. Sometimes, we need to hear how others perceive our children. You can decide what you do with your friend's insights, but hear her out.
DEAR HARRIETTE: Someone asked me if I am always on overdrive. She followed up by saying it seems I always have a million things to do and I never take a break. That's almost true. Right now, I'm doing everything I can to earn enough money to take care of my family. Even with all this effort, it doesn't seem to be enough. It didn't help to have someone point out that I don't stop. How can I? I don't want to lose my apartment or be unable to pay for food or any of the other basics. Right now, though, it's hard to keep my head above water. How can I relax when this is what I'm dealing with? -- Overwhelmed
DEAR OVERWHELMED: Believe it or not, this might be a perfect time to step back -- just for a moment. Get still. Take the time to breathe deeply and assess your situation. Notice everything around you. What can you do differently? What resources are available to you that may be of help? Try to let go of the fear and open your eyes to the possibilities. Someone or something may reveal itself to you if you look at your life differently. Faith helps here. Your hard work coupled with the belief that great things are on their way may fuel you.
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(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
Copyright 2025, Harriette Cole
COPYRIGHT 2025 Andrews McMeel Syndication. This feature may not be reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without the written permission of Andrews McMeel Syndication.
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