Cat Upset When Boyfriend Moves In
DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend recently moved in with me, and ever since then, my cat's behavior has completely changed. She's been acting out: scratching furniture, hiding for hours and even refusing to eat sometimes. She used to be calm and affectionate, but now she seems anxious and territorial. My partner is trying to be patient, but I can tell he's getting frustrated, especially since the cat hisses at him whenever he walks by or tries to sit near me. It's creating tension between us, and I feel stuck in the middle trying to keep everyone happy. I've tried introducing them slowly, giving the cat space and even buying new toys to distract her, but nothing seems to help. My boyfriend thinks I'm overreacting and that the cat will "get over it," but I know she's genuinely stressed.
I feel guilty because I was so excited for us to finally live together, and now it feels like we're both walking on eggshells around my pet. I love them both, but I'm starting to wonder if this living situation is sustainable. How can I help my cat adjust to this big change without it putting more strain on my relationship? -- Standoff
DEAR STANDOFF: Experts say it sometimes takes time for cats and lovers to become friends. My research suggests that you must rebuild a relationship with each of them so that jealousy reduces to a minimum and both of them know how much you love them. Catster.com advises having separate one-on-one time with your cat and your boyfriend, closing the door when you want alone time with your guy and setting aside time for the two of them to bond without you around. If your cat is motivated by food, you might have your boyfriend start feeding her so she has that positive association. You can also try calling in a pet trainer for more personalized help.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I got married recently, and while the day was beautiful overall, a few unexpected guests showed up -- actual wedding crashers! At first, I thought maybe they were distant friends of my husband's, but it became obvious they didn't know anyone. They ate, drank and even joined us on the dance floor like they belonged there. By the time we realized what was happening, they had already helped themselves to food, drinks and favors meant for our guests. I'm still upset thinking about how they took advantage of such a special day. Part of me feels silly for caring since the wedding was otherwise amazing, but another part of me feels disrespected. How do I let go of the frustration and focus on the positive without feeling like I let something so tacky slide? It's become the story everyone keeps bringing up when they talk about my wedding, and I hate that it's overshadowing the good memories. Should I just laugh it off, or is it OK that I'm still bothered by it? I want to move on, but I can't help replaying the moment and wondering how people could be so inconsiderate. -- Crashers
DEAR CRASHERS: Every wedding has its idiosyncrasies. Yours had wedding crashers. Embrace the novelty of it. Your wedding was so hot that others wanted to join the fun!
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(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
Copyright 2025, Harriette Cole
COPYRIGHT 2025 Andrews McMeel Syndication. This feature may not be reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without the written permission of Andrews McMeel Syndication.
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