ArcaMax

DEAR HARRIETTE: How do I get someone who believes in tough love to understand that that does not resonate with me? For a long time, my siblings and I have had strained relationships with our mom because of how crass she can be. She has strong and often negative opinions, and she is not shy about sharing them. I was recently admitted to a two-year college. I am in my late 20s and didn't prioritize college when I was 18 like my parents wanted.

Apparently, there's still some resentment there, because when I announced which school I'd be going to, my mom snickered and asked me if I was proud of that school. When she realized that she had offended me, she said that she was trying to encourage me. I can't keep letting her impose her negativity on me. Mocking me is NOT encouragement. I don't know how to get her to see that, though. -- Never Good Enough

DEAR NEVER GOOD ENOUGH: Not getting the support you crave from your mother has to be heart-wrenching. While I do not have a recommendation on how to resolve that, I can suggest that you surround yourself with other people who can serve as cheerleaders. Who is close to you who is proud of your current choice? Who naturally encourages you when you are feeling low and celebrates your small victories? Be sure to stay in touch with those people.

Forgive your mother for her crass ways. She probably doesn't mean to hurt your feelings, but that doesn't make her snipes any less sharp. Do your best not to take her comments personally. If you can, stop seeking her validation.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I'm getting married soon, and my dad has been totally out of sorts. For context, when my fiance asked my father for his permission to propose, my dad gave his blessing, but ever since then he has been distant. I've asked my dad to join us when we were touring venues, doing cake tastings and exploring tailors for the menswear. My dad has been making excuses, saying he has something else already on his calendar. When he does agree to join, he'll conveniently oversleep and miss the appointment.

My father is known for having a 100% attendance rate for everything special in my life, so I can't wrap my head around his recent behavior. My fiance thinks he may be sad about the big change. Is it possible that the thought of my wedding might be making my dad so distant? -- Hand in Marriage

DEAR HAND IN MARRIAGE: Go to your dad and ask him directly what's bothering him. Point out that you have noticed that he is not engaging in your wedding planning even as you and your fiance have directly and repeatedly invited him. Ask him what's wrong and push to get him to talk. Marriage is a union of families. Let him know how much you both value him. It's best to address any issues now before you walk down the aisle.

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(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Copyright 2025, Harriette Cole

COPYRIGHT 2025 Andrews McMeel Syndication. This feature may not be reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without the written permission of Andrews McMeel Syndication.