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DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend "Fred's" daughter's birthday was approaching, and her friends wanted to surprise her. All of her friends met and shared their ideas for what to do. When her birthday arrived, they surprised her with balloons and food. To everyone's surprise, one of the guests blew out the candle for the birthday girl, which made her upset. She cried a lot, and Fred got angry at the kid because it was his daughter's birthday, not theirs. How should Fred have approached the situation since it was just a kid, and she may not have fully understood what she had done? -- Inappropriate Behavior

DEAR INAPPROPRIATE BEHAVIOR: You haven't said how old Fred's daughter is, but you have described the friend group as "kids." My advice to Fred is to let it go. Of course it was not appropriate for the friend to blow out the birthday girl's candle, but who knows why this happened? Perhaps that child has never had a birthday cake. Maybe that's the kid who is needy for attention. It could be anything. In the moment, the correct response would have been to relight the candle, let the right kid blow it out and keep the party moving.

Rather than focusing on reprimanding that child, Fred should highlight the great things that happened. His daughter's friends were incredibly thoughtful as they chose to plan a celebration for her. Fred can point out all of the details that went into the party and relish in how happy that made everyone. If Fred's daughter brings up the violation, Fred can suggest that they forgive the child and remember instead all of the good things about her special day.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was applying for a position as a hotel receptionist, and one of the other applicants mentioned that she was just 15 years old. She said she had received an application from management -- despite being underage -- because she is pretty and talented, meeting their high-standard requirements. I told her that it is against the law, but I am unsure of what to do since I know she really needs the job to support her family, while at the same time I am aware that underage individuals are not allowed to work. Please give me some advice on what I should do. -- Underage Employment

DEAR UNDERAGE EMPLOYMENT: I suggest that you not get involved in that person's employment process. I sense that you feel threatened as this teenager may be up for the same job you have applied for -- and she may win the job based on her appearance. While that, in and of itself, is a form of discrimination, it is unlikely that you will win a fight on those grounds. Instead, you will make it even less likely that you will get hired. Is that fair? No, but since right now you need a job, set your sights on that.

As hard as it is to believe, the federal Fair Labor Standards Act sets 14 as the minimum age to work. Though some states have different age requirements for work, 14 is the baseline. That means that there might not be anything wrong with a 15-year-old applying for the same role as you; however, many employers simply choose not to hire teens.

Additionally, many people skirt age requirements as they are looking for work and hiring. This topic deserves examination, to be sure. That said, this doesn't seem to be your battle right now. Pivot away from that young lady and toward your own future. Unless you believe she will be in danger if she is offered the job, don't make her potential employment your issue.

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(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Copyright 2024, Harriette Cole

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