ArcaMax

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband and I have been married for 10 years. When we first got together, he was active and in great shape. Over the years, he has gained a significant amount of weight, and his chronic obesity has now become a huge wedge in our relationship. I still love him deeply, but this drastic change in his health has impacted many aspects of our lives, and I find myself growing frustrated.

One of the hardest parts is watching him struggle to play an active role in the lives of our two young sons. They're energetic and full of life, always wanting to run around, play sports or simply spend time outdoors. Unfortunately, because of his weight, my husband often can't keep up with them. What's most frustrating is that I've tried to talk to him about his health, but he becomes defensive and shuts down the conversation. I've suggested we make lifestyle changes together, like cooking healthier meals, going for walks as a family or finding fun ways to get active, but he doesn't seem motivated to make any lasting changes. How can I encourage him to take his health seriously without making him feel attacked? -- Fat Dad

DEAR FAT DAD: Have a serious conversation with your husband. Tell him you are worried about his health and the future of the family. Remind him of how much you need and love him and that he has demonstrated that he has significant limitations based on his current size. Encourage him to have a physical and talk to a doctor about his health. Assure him you don't mean to be critical, but you do mean to save his life.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband and I have five beautiful daughters. Raising five children is no small task, but we've been fortunate enough to be able to support them financially and emotionally. I feel grateful for the family we've built, and I think we're at a point where we need to focus on providing the best possible future for our daughters. The problem is that my husband isn't quite ready to close that chapter. He has always dreamed of having a son, and he hasn't let go of that hope. Every time we talk about the future and whether we should stop having children, he brings up how much he wants a boy. It's something he's been open about since we first started our family, and after five daughters, it's still his wish.

I understand where he's coming from, but after five pregnancies, I'm physically and emotionally exhausted. I've come to terms with the fact that having a son might not be in the cards for us. I truly believe that if it was meant to happen, it would have by now. I see our daughters as a blessing, and I've accepted that this is the family God intended for us to have. How can we come to an agreement on this without causing resentment or regret on either side? -- A Boy

DEAR A BOY: Go to your OB-GYN and get advice and input on the odds that you will have a boy and, more importantly, the safety of you having another child -- both physically and emotionally. If your doctor agrees that now is not the best moment for you to get pregnant, schedule a time for your husband to join a consultation with the doctor to hear those reservations firsthand.

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(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Copyright 2024, Harriette Cole

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