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DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was at a convenience store, with my arms full of groceries. There were three tall young men standing near the register in a group, and I asked if they were in line.

They said yes and lined up. When I thought they were finished, I placed my items on the counter and moved forward to the credit card reader, accidentally bumping into one of the men. He turned to me and said: "Well, you're in a hurry, aren't you?"

His manner was aggressive and his expression was hostile. I just stared at him, taken aback. What should I have said or done? I actually thought there was a chance he might strike me.

GENTLE READER: So should you have provoked them?

Miss Manners would not think that you wanted to get into a scuffle with a gang of what you believe to be rude and potentially violent men. But apparently many do. Miss Manners often hears about checkout lines turning volatile, if not lethal.

But not so fast. What about you?

Did you apologize for bumping into him? If not, his remark sounds as if it could have been merely a prompt to do so.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A close friend of over 30 years recently lost her husband and decided to move back to her home state to be near her family. She moved before selling her house here, which she and her husband had loved.

She has now listed the house, but it has had very few viewings, and no offers. I happen to be downsizing and am moving soon. I'm very lucky that my house sold quickly.

My friend seems to be angry with me. She told me that my contract was a bad one -- one she would never have accepted. Our houses are very different: Mine is small, and obviously sold for a much lower price. I've never mentioned the price, but it was posted online with pictures, and I know she's seen those.

When I speak to her or text her, I refrain from talking about myself. I ask about her, her new house (she says she hates it), her vegetable garden, her pets, her family or anything new. I get brief answers on the phone and no response to texts.

I don't know how to go forward, and I hate to give up this friendship. I know she's still grieving her recent loss and I would like to be supportive.

GENTLE READER: It is not easy to be supportive of someone whose misfortune takes the form of attacking her supporters. You are kind to keep trying, and fortunate to be able to do this at a distance.

Miss Manners has never cared for the idea that grief gives one license to cause grief for others. If you are able to persevere, perhaps your friend will someday recognize your kindness and appreciate your friendship. But it would be understandable, if unfortunate, if her anger persists until you feel you have to give up.

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(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Copyright 2025 Judith Martin

COPYRIGHT 2025 JUDITH MARTIN