ArcaMax

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My wife and I entertain frequently. We get a lot of joy out of hosting longtime friends and family for holidays and special occasions. We are attentive to the vibe and move things along at a pace that matches it. Everyone always tells us we host lovely evenings and that they can't wait for the next one.

The problem is with ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Should I warn particularly conservative guests that an annual party they attended last year has grown in size and will include a more eclectic group of people?

My husband and I hosted a last-minute holiday open house last year. Many of the attendees were generally conservative, reflecting the nature of my immediate ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Having been raised in a strongly evangelical home, and having painfully walked away from those beliefs, religion is an emotionally distressing subject for me, one that I am only able to discuss with those very close to me.

A few months ago, I was hospitalized for a couple of weeks. For most of that time, I shared the room ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How long should someone wait for a call to be returned?

My friend and I talk frequently on the phone. Lately when I call, I get a text that says, "I'll call you back." I thought the returned call would come in a short time, but it is taking longer and longer.

It was taking as long as a week, but now it doesn't come at all ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We are holding a celebration of life for my 28-year-old son at an airplane hangar. I'm saying "Wear anything!" because we want it to be about celebrating his life more than mourning his death. I plan to wear white.

Do you make a distinction between funerals and celebrations of life, or do you believe mourning prevails ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I had a severe injury to a finger. It has since healed, but when I cook, I usually keep a bandage over the injury to protect the area.

One night I made dinner for my husband and a very close friend (who has a great sense of humor). I had the entrees placed on the table and was serving the salads when I noticed the bandage was...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: While outside in the smoking area of a music venue a couple weeks ago, a woman next to me became a little too animated and lightly bumped into me. She apologized, and I politely responded that it was not a problem.

Then, I realized she was still looking at my sleeve with an anxious, guilty expression, and she started brushing...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A while back, a colleague of mine said that he and his wife would like to invite me over for dinner at their home. The evening of the dinner, there was another guest, Chloe, a woman my age who teaches with my colleague's wife.

The evening was very enjoyable, with good conversation. At the end, the hostess told me that she had...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My partner and I lived abroad for 12 years and have recently moved back to his hometown. He has a job, I am working as a temp, and we are struggling to find housing, so we have been staying with his parents.

I am incredibly grateful to them; we have been living with them for two months now, and may stay another two months (...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I'm a physician, so I am used to people addressing me as "Dr. Jones." That includes both patients and non-physician staff in the hospital where I work. Even out in public, if I run into someone from the hospital, it is common for them to address me as "Dr. Jones."

However, when I go to a medical office as a patient, whether ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: On my daughter's wedding day, the weather was perfect, as was the venue and all preparations. A few hours before the ceremony, the groom was arrested on an active warrant. (That's an issue for another day.)

We were already at the venue. The bridal party was getting dressed and photos were being taken while the bride was on ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been a vegetarian for 15 years. It never fails that once a fellow diner finds out this information, they immediately take it upon themselves to read aloud everything on the menu that I am "allowed" to have.

It's as if being a vegetarian means I can no longer read. I often don't divulge my eating preferences because of ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I hold an annual party, for which I hire a person to assist me in setting it up, maintaining the buffet and serving drinks. She has always done a great job.

At the most recent party, however, I noticed she had set up a tip jar next to the drinks. I was horrified. I went over and grabbed the jar, then pulled her aside and said...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When walking or biking on a sidewalk or a trail, I often encounter three individuals walking or riding abreast. Instead of their moving to single file to let me pass, I'm forced to move aside to the grass or curb.

When I was walking on a narrow pier, keeping to my side, I was approached by this woman walking on my side rather...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We threw a small potluck birthday lunch in the break room for one of our co-workers. About four of us contributed; we all work directly with her and know her the best.

We put the leftovers in the fridge, and later in the day, a co-worker who hadn't been at the party helped himself to them.

I'd mentioned that we were each ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: If we renewed the lovely fashion of wearing gloves, people wouldn't have to fear catching germs from shaking hands or appearing rude for refusing.

GENTLE READER: Why didn't Miss Manners think of that?

Not only would it solve the problems you mention, but it would allow her to wallow in a treasure trove of forgotten customs. ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Sometimes people enthusiastically tell me something they think I don't know, particularly about my areas of expertise. Saying "I already knew that" sounds condescending. Pretending I didn't know, and saying something like "That's interesting," seems passive-aggressive.

I have been accused of competing in the first case and ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was in my office when I got an urge to go to the bathroom. I hate to do this at work, because I work in a converted townhouse where the bathrooms are just one toilet and one sink, like in a house. But I had no choice.

I was sitting in there when I heard my boss outside the door: "Kaitlin, are you in there?"

"Yes. Why do ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a few old friends scattered around the country who will only talk on the phone if they're actively doing something else. This leads to a variety of acoustic challenges: wind or traffic noise, transactions with shopkeepers, dishes banging, etc.

One of my oldest friends even says, when I call, "Wait, I'll put on my ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I ran into an unexpected soup situation.

My sister flew cross-country to visit my mom and me, and my mom spent hours making a delicious soup so my sister would have a hot meal ready when she arrived. My mom is a great cook.

Unfortunately, as we all sat down to eat, we noticed that a small brush, used for cleaning bottle ...Read more