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DEAR MISS MANNERS: I enjoy socializing with a group of women in my community. There is a group text for 14 of us who often get together for social events.

Recently, a few of the ladies discussed how much fun they had had boating, and it was obvious half the group hadn't been invited. This isn't the first time this has happened.

I think they should keep such texts private. It's their choice not to include me, but I believe it's rude to brag.

GENTLE READER: Rude to brag? Isn't it the national sport?

Social media has sabotaged the tactful rule against mentioning social events to people who were not invited. Miss Manners would caution against posting about parties online, unless to a group restricted to the guests, if she thought she had even the least chance of success.

But she knows that people are not listening. They can't wait to show off to the world what a fabulous event they hosted (or attended).

So let us work on it from the other end, starting with the acknowledgment that everyone cannot be invited to everything. There are only so many people you can get onto a boat. To be offended, you really should have been systemically excluded on occasions where everyone else in your circle had been invited.

Even then, you may cut ties with these friends, or you may probe to see if you have somehow caused offense. But you should not challenge the hosts' prerogative of choosing their guests.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am blind and have been since birth. Unlike some people I know, I don't get offended if people ask me questions or say something about it. I'm comfortable with the way I am, and even make jokes about it myself sometime.

But sometimes, when people I don't know well say something like "Good to see you," the conversation becomes awkward because they think I must be offended by that.

For one thing, it's just a figure of speech, and for another, I say that to people jokingly all the time.

What do I say to people in these awkward moments when they start apologizing, even though I don't feel that it's necessary?

GENTLE READER: "I see what you're getting at. But I don't really see it as being offensive."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband recently passed, and I sent thank-you notes to everyone who gave a monetary gift or sent flowers.

Are thank-you notes required to those who attended the wake services? I heard that a friend of a friend was offended at not receiving a thank-you.

GENTLE READER: Really? Someone thought that attending your husband's wake was a favor to you?

Miss Manners does not want to discourage letters of thanks, which are in short supply. If hosts want to write to thank their guests, she is not going to discourage them. But unlike the ordinary obligation of guests to thank their hosts, it is not necessary.

Any such expectation is particularly ugly in connection with funerary services, where the purpose is to show respect for the deceased and offer comfort to the bereaved.

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(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Copyright 2025 Judith Martin

COPYRIGHT 2025 JUDITH MARTIN