ArcaMax

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the proper etiquette for disembarking a plane when the aisles are full and someone's bag is several rows behind them?

I was getting off a flight when a couple in the row in front of me tried to get other passengers to retrieve their large carry-on bags from the overhead compartments, four rows back, and pass them up to them. When that didn't happen, the man pushed back through those of us standing in the aisle.

When I suggested he wait a minute or two and we'd be cleared out of his way, he very loudly told me that I didn't know disembarking etiquette and that everyone behind him should have waited for him to get his bag.

It would be helpful to have your input for our collective travel in the crowded skies.

GENTLE READER: Public chastisement in the name of etiquette is Miss Manners' least favorite form of free advertising.

This person's method was not even logical, because other passengers could hardly be expected to know where his bag was and at what point to stop passing it.

Had he been more courteous, others might have taken pity on him and asked if they could help. As it was, he made a challenging situation worse -- and turned his fellow travelers from potential allies to adversaries.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I refused to attend the wedding of one of the teachers at my wife's dance studio when the invitation included their bank account info, asking for "cash gifts ONLY." The wedding was at a remote location, with the closest hotel 45 minutes away, in the middle of the forest with no illumination down some unpaved roads.

My wife attended and deposited the cash gift. Was I wrong?

GENTLE READER: Yes. But only because you abandoned your wife in the middle of a forest.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I spent a few days with some friends at a house in a rural setting near a small lake. During our stay, the electricity went out.

The toilets did not work for over 24 hours, and we had to use buckets for the waste we generated. After the toilets were working, our host disposed of our collected waste in the lake. Doing so was against the law in the state we were in. It was also an ecological crime because even an infinitesimal amount of feces will pollute a lake.

We said nothing at the time. When a host commits both a crime and causes an ecological disaster, what is a guest supposed to do? Should we have stopped our host? Should we have said something?

GENTLE READER: It is not an unreasonable expectation that the owner of a house be familiar with the laws and idiosyncrasies of its state. Deferring to your hosts and their expertise is indeed logical and polite.

But if you know that a crime is being committed, speaking up is imperative. Because even Miss Manners will admit that etiquette is not above the law. If your friend gets caught and you are named as an accessory, "I was just being polite" will probably not serve to exonerate you.

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(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Copyright 2025 Judith Martin

COPYRIGHT 2025 JUDITH MARTIN