ArcaMax

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I used to be religious, many years ago, but I now identify as pagan -- meaning that I believe in the powers of Mother Earth, and that everything she's created is sacred.

My beliefs are personal, and I don't discuss them with others unless directly asked.

Because the majority of people believe in God, there's a general societal belief that everyone does. I've been around those who speak freely about their beliefs to the point where I feel like I'm being beaten over the head.

I respect their beliefs, but at the same time, I'd like to say something to remind these speakers that not everyone shares them. How do I tell people that we nonbelievers do not want to hear about their religion ad nauseam?

GENTLE READER: Techniques for changing the subject of a conversation rely on a combination of surprise and persistence, Miss Manners notes. Those who dominate conversations usually do so by having relentless personalities -- and by never coming up for air.

With the right accomplice -- and the right timing -- you could interject, "Yes, our community subscribes to many different faiths. But perhaps that's a topic for another time." And then launch into a new topic with a willing partner.

Alternatively, when faced with a near-lecture on theology, you could expound on your beliefs in Mother Earth and her powers.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: The man I've been dating for the last year doesn't use the words "thank you" or "please." When I've brought up the topic, he simply says, "It's redundant to say that all the time."

I asked him if he was at his office, and someone offered him coffee, would he say "no, thank you" or "yes, please"? He responded that he would.

From an early age, I was instructed to say "please" and "thank you." My young nieces and nephews do so, and when I have children, I will expect the same from them.

How can I explain to him that these words are not "redundant," that they're important for everyday use and that they're important to me?

GENTLE READER: Tell him that the morning latte you make for him, that he enjoys so much, has become redundant.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What do you think about people who start scanning their items at grocery store self-checkouts and sending them down the belt before one has finished bagging one's own items?

I have experienced this rude and selfish behavior on several occasions. Today, when a lady behind me sent her items down the belt and they became intermingled with my own groceries, I felt like letting them stay that way and bagging them up with mine.

I suggest that grocery stores put up a sign that asks people to show courtesy and wait until the person ahead of them is done. Or perhaps the scanning device shouldn't operate until the bagging area is clear.

GENTLE READER: Is that not what the little plastic dividers are for?

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(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Copyright 2024 Judith Martin

COPYRIGHT 2024 JUDITH MARTIN