ArcaMax

Dear Annie: I adore my cousins, I really do. We grew up together, and when they suggested coming to stay with us for a long weekend, I was genuinely excited. I pictured late-night laughs, good meals, maybe a hike, maybe some time catching up without phones buzzing every two seconds.

Instead, it turned into "Spring Break: Middle-Aged Edition."

By 3 p.m. on the first day, one of them popped open a drink and announced, "It's 5 o'clock somewhere!" Then another. Then another. Pretty soon they were camped out on my patio like it was an all-inclusive resort, and I felt like the unpaid staff.

They weren't mean, exactly. Just ... loud. Tipsy. Repeating stories. Forgetting what they already told me. Wanting "just one more" before dinner. And when they finally went to bed, it was late. The next day, they slept until nearly noon, while I was up early with my normal routine, making coffee, feeding the dog and trying not to resent them for snoring through half the day.

Here's what makes this tricky: I don't want to be the fun police. I'm not against having a drink. But this felt like the entire purpose of the trip was drinking, and my home was the venue. I also worried about driving, because they'd suggest running out to dinner after "a few," and I'd find myself awkwardly offering to drive everyone like I was the designated adult.

Now they're talking about visiting again, and my stomach sank. I don't want to lie. I don't want to blow up family relationships. But I also don't want to spend another weekend tiptoeing around someone else's happy hour schedule and cleaning up empty bottles while they sleep half the morning away.

How do I set a boundary without sounding judgmental or uptight? -- Hosting, Not Toasting

Dear Hosting, Not Toasting: You're not uptight. You're just realizing your cousins' idea of "bonding" is, "It's 5 o'clock somewhere" at 3 p.m., followed by sleeping till noon, and your house is not a resort.

Before they plan the next trip, let them know that you love them and want to see them, but last time didn't work for you. Make it clear that you don't intend to host an all-day drinking weekend at your house. If they want cocktails starting midafternoon and late mornings, they'll be happier in a hotel. If they want dinners, coffee, and actually being awake together, then you'd love to host.

Then keep a few gentle guardrails. Stock only what you're comfortable serving, plan one daytime activity, and don't become the chauffeur. Tell your cousins that you won't drive if people have been drinking, so you'll either rideshare or stay in.

If they joke, "It's 5 o'clock somewhere," you can smile and say, "At my house, it's 'let's pace ourselves' o'clock."

You can love them and still set rules that let you enjoy your own home.

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"Out of Bounds: Estrangement, Boundaries and the Search for Forgiveness" is out now! Annie Lane's third anthology is for anyone who has lived with anger, estrangement or the deep ache of being wronged -- because forgiveness isn't for them. It's for you. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Follow Annie Lane on Instagram at @dearannieofficial. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.