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Stepdad Stepping on My Toes

Annie Lane on

Dear Annie: My mom remarried last year, and her new husband, "Ken," has made himself very at home -- too at home, if you ask me. I'm 26 and still live with my mom while saving up to buy a condo. We've always had a good rhythm: we cook together, watch movies, take walks. But ever since Ken moved in, everything's changed.

He rearranged the kitchen without asking, took over the living room TV with his sports packages, and complains if I come home late or leave lights on. He's not mean exactly, but he acts like I'm a guest in my own house. I've brought it up to my mom a couple of times, and she just says, "He's adjusting."

I'm trying to be respectful, but I feel like I've been pushed out of my own home. I can't afford to move out just yet, but I also can't keep walking on eggshells where I used to feel comfortable. How do I talk to my mom about this without sounding like I'm asking her to choose between us? -- Crowded Out

Dear Crowded Out: A parent remarrying is always an adjustment -- especially when the new spouse moves into your home.

Have an honest talk with your mom. Skip broad statements like "everything's changed" and get specific. Bring up what you miss: weekly movie nights, shared dinners, quiet time together. You could even suggest setting aside time just for the two of you.

But this isn't only about scheduling. It's also about how Ken treats the space -- and how your mom responds. It's OK to make clear, respectful asks of him, too.

Feeling out of place in your own home is hard. But you're not being difficult; you're being honest.

Dear Annie: I'm writing in response to "Peeved by Packages," whose new neighbor kept having packages sent to their and other people's addresses and turned hostile when confronted about it. I had a neighbor doing something very similar, and it turned out to be mail fraud.

 

They had packages and bills sent to our address, then claimed they never received them. For packages, they often got replacements or refunds while keeping the originals. They also weren't paying their bills.

We learned this when we stopped hand-delivering their packages and began contacting the companies directly. Many were small Etsy shops and family businesses, so it was especially sad to see them getting scammed. We also notified the postal service and FedEx, who stopped delivering the packages to our house. Once we stopped, the neighbors turned hostile, too.

My advice to "Peeved": let the delivery companies handle it from here on out. -- Been There

Dear Been There: Thank you for sharing. You are one of a few readers who wrote in with similar stories, all with the same feeling that something here isn't right.

Another reader made the excellent point that the more involved you are, the more risk you take on -- whether that's damage to a package or, worse, something illegal inside -- so, it's better to keep out of the situation altogether. Letting the delivery companies and carriers handle it is safer, for "Peeved" and everyone else involved.

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Annie Lane's second anthology -- "How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?" featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation -- is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.


 

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