Chided Boyfriend Has Nursed A Grudge For Six Years
DEAR ABBY: My daughter is asking me to apologize to her boyfriend, "Harry," for yelling at him when I was helping them move six years ago. (I had traveled 250 miles to help.) The day of the move, Harry didn't take the day off work, so he wasn't there to help. (They had a second-floor unit with no elevator.) When he finally did show up, he proceeded to slow-walk taking out the recycling stuff.
At the new place, Harry helped somewhat, but when the food was delivered, rather than continue to help, he decided to sit down and eat while the other two helpers and I continued moving stuff in. (This was 10 hours into the move.) That's when I lost it. I yelled at him for not helping more. All he had done in his relationship with my daughter was go to work, come home and play video games. He didn't help around the house or show any interest in helping with their son.
Over the last few years, Harry has changed somewhat in helping with his son, but my daughter now feels stuck in the middle and wants me to apologize to him for yelling. I have made no disparaging remarks about him since. I even liked some of his posts on Facebook.
I have gotten over it, but it seems Harry hasn't. I told my daughter he needs professional help. The last time I visited, he stayed in a hotel for the weekend. My son says it should be an apology going both ways and should come from Harry first. What do you think? -- FAMILY DILEMMA IN CANADA
DEAR FAMILY DILEMMA: Face it. Your daughter's boyfriend is an overgrown child. Count your blessings that she isn't married to him. Someone has to be an adult, and I am voting for you to fill that role by taking the first step. Hold your nose and apologize to Harry, if only for your daughter's sake.
DEAR ABBY: Should parents be allowed to send birthday invitations to school if only select students are the recipients of the invitation? I'm the parent of a (very) special needs pre-k child. Daily, I feel the heartache of her challenges and her desire for connection with others. On the parent FB group, someone recently posted about their daughter's birthday. It said those who received an invite should text the cellphone number listed for a change of plans. We never received an invite.
Were we the only ones excluded? If I'm honest, my emotions may be particularly fragile when it comes to my daughter and inclusion. I do think people should be able to invite only their friends. However, it seems to me that discretion on the part of the parent who is hosting would be more polite and kind. Parents should make a point to know their child's friends' parents' contact information. Do you have an opinion? -- UNINVITED IN THE EAST
DEAR UNINVITED: I'm with you 100%, speaking for myself as an adult who was once a child who was excluded. For many reasons, parents should make a point of having their child's friends' parents' contact information. That information could be crucial in case of an emergency.
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