ArcaMax

DEAR ABBY: After moving into a 55-plus community seven years ago, I became close friends with my neighbors, "Iris" and her husband. She was widowed five years ago, and I began a relationship four years ago, but my boyfriend and I always included Iris and my other girlfriends in our activities.

Iris became friendly with "Barb," a woman at her church, who didn't like me. I was pleasant to Barb but couldn't force a friendship.

Two years ago, Barb, Iris and another friend vacationed near my brother's home. Iris texted me several times a day asking for suggestions for fun activities, restaurants, etc., and I offered many. Barb provided the transportation during their vacation. Barb ignored any suggestion I made and sent me several unkind texts about "intruding on her vacation with her friends."

I texted Iris telling her I had blocked Barb and was sorry about whatever had happened. Iris never apologized. She and our other friend have become distant from me and now vacation regularly with Barb. They all attend church together and have lunch at least twice a week. Should I be grateful that Iris has shown me who she is and try to move on? -- MISSING MY FRIENDS IN INDIANA

DEAR MISSING: You were wrong to expect Iris to apologize for Barb's nasty attitude and unpleasant texts. I agree they were uncalled for, but Iris wasn't responsible for them. These women have likely distanced themselves because you aren't active in their church group, which is what they seem to have in common. For your own sake, please try not to take this personally. Not all friendships are meant to last forever, and it seems the one you had with Iris has run its course.

DEAR ABBY: I have been with my husband for 22 years and married for 18. I've had multiple illnesses and continue dealing with them. We haven't been intimate in four years. We live together but no longer sleep together. My husband doesn't like to have fun or travel with me. He's boring and likes to argue, which makes me angry. I want to get away from him and find someone who can make me happy. I came out of abusive relationships before I met him. What should I do? -- DISILLUSIONED IN CONNECTICUT

DEAR DISILLUSIONED: It might benefit you to talk with a licensed mental health professional. Try to find out why you tolerated abusive relationships before you met your husband and how the one you have with him has gone sour. Has your husband always been boring and argumentative, or did it begin when you stopped sleeping together?

Before embarking on a new relationship expecting that you will find someone who magically makes you happy, spend some time ON YOUR OWN. It's important that you understand what has gone wrong in your previous relationships with men so that you don't repeat mistakes you may have made in the past.

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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." Send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $8 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)

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