Dear Anna,

I've been dating a coworker (we're both in our early 30s) for two months, and for the past month, I've been trying to end things. Every time I attempt to break up, he argues until I'm exhausted and emotionally shut down, then convinces me to stay by promising he'll change or telling me I'm misinterpreting his behavior. Things have escalated to where I feel unsafe being alone with him, and he's made comments suggesting he'll harm himself if I leave. The situation is complicated because we work in the same large office building, though in different departments.

I feel trapped between my fear for my safety and my worry about his threats of self-harm. How do I safely exit this relationship? — Getting Help Offers Strength Today

Dear GHOST,

Ghosting has its place, to be sure, but in this instance, I’m concerned for your safety and that a slow-fade isn’t going to do you any immediate favors. My heart sinks reading your letter, because beneath your words, I hear the familiar echo of fear mixed with compassion — a dangerous combination that often keeps us tethered to situations that threaten our safety. Let me be crystal clear: Your instincts are screaming at you for a reason, and you need to listen to them.

Two months. That's all it's been, yet he's already mastered the art of emotional manipulation, using exhaustion as a weapon and your empathy as a chain. His threats of self-harm aren't about you at all — they're tactics of control. And the fact that you feel unsafe being alone with him? That's your survival instinct sending up flares.

First, let's shatter a myth: You are not responsible for his choices or actions — or anyone’s, save your own. If he threatens self-harm, that's not your burden to carry. It's a manipulation tactic, and one that needs to be handled by professionals, not someone who’s dated him for less time than Gap’s return policy.

Here's your action plan:

1. Send one last text. Be firm and clear: "This relationship is over. Do not contact me again. Any threats of self-harm will be reported to appropriate authorities." Then block him on all platforms.

2. Document everything. Save texts, emails and record dates of concerning behavior. If you feel comfortable, tell a trusted colleague or friend about the situation.

3. Connect with your HR department. Many companies have protocols for handling workplace relationships gone wrong. You have a right to feel safe at work.

4. It might not hurt to reach out to a domestic violence hotline (1-800-799-SAFE). It's not just for physical abuse — they're experts in helping people safely exit controlling relationships and can help you craft a safety plan.

If he threatens self-harm at work, do not engage. Contact emergency services or his family if you know them. Let professionals handle his mental health. That's not your job.

For your workplace situation, take different routes to your office, vary your schedule if possible, and never be alone in isolated areas. If he violates workplace boundaries after the breakup, document everything and report it to HR immediately.

Remember this: Fear is your ally right now, not your enemy. It's trying to protect you. Those moments when you feel unsafe? That's not paranoia — that's your intuition sending you life-saving data. Trust it.

You're not overreacting. You're not responsible for his emotional well-being. Don’t set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm, as the popular adage reminds us.

Get out. Get safe. Get support.

Then give yourself time to heal, knowing that choosing your safety isn't selfish — it's sacred.

P.S. Keep the National Domestic Violence Hotline number in your phone: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). They also have a chat option at thehotline.org if you can't speak freely.

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