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Dear Eric: I have a wonderful, spiritual family friend who I have known for more than 20 years. I value her friendship, but she has always been very materialistic and continuously lives through her children and their successes.

I am always supporting her and love her and her family but there are times when she picks a nerve with me because of how much she tends to brag about how her adult children have treated her to family trips and such.

I am blessed and humbled to have a successful family as well but would never stoop to this behavior.

She is a good and loving family friend and as much as she makes me bite my tongue, I am grateful for her friendship. Any advice on how I may gently hint my dislike of this green-eyed monster behavior?

– Tired of the Bragging

Dear Tired: I’m of two minds about this. A generous (perhaps overly generous interpretation) of this dilemma suggests that your friend is proud of her family and what comes across as bragging might simply be her way of sharing the things that are important in her life.

It may not be the way you would choose but that doesn’t make it malicious, per se.

Now, on the other hand, you write that she’s always been materialistic. It might also be true that she focuses too much on material things. But I caution against chastising her for not aligning with your values. She may not see herself as materialistic. There’s not an objective scale.

What you can do, however, is tell her, as a friend, that some conversational subjects are challenging to you and that you’d prefer to talk about other things. You can be specific and keep it focused on what you need. In this way, you’re making strides toward better communication rather than passing judgment on her. It will deepen your friendship while also helping you to stay out of the path of the green-eyed monster.

Dear Eric: I have several close and fulfilling relationships with family and friends. Twice now I have had what I thought fit this category only to have the person drift away for no clear reason.

One relationship was a friend with whom I was close with for many years. They suddenly stopped responding to communication. After several years, we briefly got back in touch. They seemed happy to hear from me, filled me in on things that happened in their life and now we are in contact sporadically, usually with me sending a random meme.

The topic of them cutting off contact has never been broached.

The second is with a family member with whom I was close with when we were younger. We are mostly in contact through social media, and occasionally when visiting family, but they seem disinterested in seeing me.

At one point a few years ago, I was in their area of the country and despite several attempts to make plans, they made excuses to avoid meeting up.

I understand sometimes people find it easier to do this than to confront issues in a relationship. My question is: should I bother asking what happened or just leave the relationships where they are?

– Loss of Contact

Dear Contact: If the change in these two relationships is bothering you, and if you have a desire to fix it, if possible, then asking makes sense. Relationships shift all the time and sometimes people don’t have the skills – or desire – to handle that shift with clear communication. This can lead to confusion or the weird gray area in which you find yourself now. It’s not too late to clear the air, even if that clarity is just confirmation that the relationships are more casual and distant now.

Before you reach out, ask yourself what you’re trying to accomplish, what you want to know, and what outcomes you’re hoping for. This will help you have a more productive conversation in which you can offer suggestions for things that can change or ways you’d like to connect more meaningfully.

Dear Eric: What is the proper protocol for baby gifting? If you are invited to a reveal party, a baby shower, and then you go to visit the baby at home, when do you bring a gift? Is it necessary to buy three?

– Confused

Dear Confused: This is going to vary person-to-person and cultural context-to-cultural context, but as baby celebrations have expanded, it’s generally been accepted that if you’re attending a shower, that’s a great time to bring a gift. This helps the parent or parents plan in advance of the baby’s arrival and might have a more comprehensive registry. Gifts aren’t generally expected at reveal parties. Ultimately, it’s up to you, but you won’t be thought rude if you only bring one gift.

(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)

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