ArcaMax

... continued from above

Alcohol and calculus don't mix. Never drink and derive.

If we are what we eat; I'm cheap, fast, and easy.

Stop repeat offenders. Don't re-elect them!

"Criminal Lawyer" is a redundancy.

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If you drink, don't park. Accidents cause people.

If you can read this, I can hit my brakes and sue you.

Save the whales! Trade them for valuable prizes.

Whitewater is over when the First Lady sings.

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1. Your son has a remarkable ability in gathering needed information from his classmates.
(He was caught cheating on a test).

2. Karen is an endless fund of energy and viability.
(The hyperactive monster can't stay seated for five minutes).

3. Fantastic imagination! Unmatched in his capacity for blending fact with fiction.
(...Read more

A daddy teased his little daughter by suggesting she liked a certain boy in her kindergarten class.

The little girl was quite indignant. "No, daddy, I don't like him!" she stated. "He's only interested in one thing."

Shocked, the daddy cautiously asked what that one thing might be.

"Power Rangers, of course," said the toddler.

"If Lincoln were alive today he'd roll over in his grave." --Gerald Ford (president, 1974-77)

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"A friend of mine was asked to a costume ball a while ago. He slapped some egg on his face and went as a liberal economist." --Ronald Reagan

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"I want to make sure everybody who has a job wants a job." --George Bush

Three elderly gentlemen were talking about what their grandchildren would be saying about them fifty years from now.

"I would like my grandchildren to say, 'He was successful in business'," declared the first man.

"Fifty years from now," said the second, "I want them to say, 'He was a loyal family man'."

Turning to the third gent, the first ...Read more

A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.

"You'll get your chance in court," said the Desk Sergeant.

"No, no, no!" said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!"

A couple was having a discussion about what to see and do now that they were safely in Florida on their honeymoon.

Trying to assert himself rite off the bat, he exploded, "If it weren't for my money, we wouldn't be here at all!"

The wife replied, "My dear, if it weren't for your money, not only would we not be in Florida, we wouldn't on a ...Read more

Did you hear about the farmer who ploughed his field with a steamroller?

He wanted to grow mashed potatoes!