In a building at Alfa Romeo’s test track in Balocco, Italy, there’s a hallway lined with photographs of impossibly glamorous people driving impossibly glamorous cars. They’re the sort of images that make you want to light a cigarette and say something dramatic in Italian, even if you don’t speak a word of it. It’s from a time when being rich meant you had style and taste, rather than a personal assistant and a gluten allergy.

But then you meet the 2026 Alfa Romeo Tonale. Clearly, this vehicle is not Sophia Loren or Marcello Mastroianni in sunglasses. This is a sensible latte in a recyclable cup. It’s a compact crossover that represents the dull practicality modern motorists claim to need, even though most of them will never use it for anything more daring than a run to Walmart.

When introduced two years ago, Alfa Romeo was counting on the Tonale compact luxury SUV to charm America like an Italian waiter with good hair. And to be fair, it’s still Alfa’s best-seller here. But even so, its sales nosedived 23% this year to a mere 2,109 cars. That’s fewer Alfas than there are people named José in Miami.

Why? Because underneath all that Italian flair, the Tonale shares its mechanical underpants with the Dodge Hornet. Same platform, same oily bits, both built in Italy. But one of these cars is the embodiment of a wink and a cigarette, and the other wears a bee on the badge and possesses rental-car odor. Sure, the Hornet’s cheaper. But that hasn’t helped. Its sales imploded this year as well, by 46%. Turns out no one wants a Dodge that is, in reality, an Alfa Romeo in the witness protection program. Imagine that.

But rather than sitting around drinking grappa and gesturing wildly, Alfa is revamping its entry-level love. Gone is the Tonale Plug-In Hybrid, the one that made you feel smug about the planet while you charged it next to your lawnmower. In its place is a proper 2.0-liter turbocharged four-cylinder petrol engine with 268 horsepower, a nine-speed automatic and all-wheel drive. And for 2026, there’ll be no Hornet at all. Tariffs will see to that. Who knew that they actually do some good?

For the Tonale looks Italian in the best possible way. It’s beautifully proportioned and blessed with Alfa’s iconic triangular grille and 3+3 LED headlights, a nod to the old Alfa SZ, to cars. Its 2026 facelift looks somewhat meaner, but remains handsome and confident. You can have wheels up to 20 inches, because of course you can. This is Italy, where restraint is a foreign concept.

Inside, the top Veloce trim is part car, part cathedral to Alcantara. The seats hug you like an overenthusiastic gondolier. There’s sufficient space up front, and as much rear seat legroom as the larger Stelvio, albeit with slightly less headroom. The steering wheel feels like it costs more than an entire Dodge, and the dashboard is covered in screens, stitching and optimism. There’s a 12.3-inch digital gauge cluster, a 10.25-inch infotainment screen that runs TomTom navigation last updated when "Friends" was still in prime time, and a Harman Kardon stereo that could wake the dead.

And if you need to charge your phone, you’ll find more USB ports than a Starbucks. Under the bonnet, the Tonale runs 0-to-60 mph in 6.5 seconds. Top speed is 140 mph, assuming you find a bit of road and some courage. In its Natural driving mode, it’s eager and alive, like an Alfa should be. It’s twitchy, a little bonkers, and delightfully fun. Flick it into Dynamic mode and it’s as if the car’s just been injected with a triple espresso. The throttle sharpens, the gearbox wakes up, and suddenly you’re thinking you’re a better driver than you actually are.

Push it, and the rear end dances, not dangerously, but joyfully, like an excitable puppy that’s found a tennis ball. The steering actually talks to you, which is more than you can say for most modern cars. It rides better than you’d expect too, soaking up bumps while still feeling alive. It’s civilized, but not too civilized. You never forget it’s Italian.

The Tonale isn’t perfect. It’s not even properly Alfa, if we’re being honest. But it has that unmistakable Italian je ne sais quoi. There’s a bit of drama, a bit of nonsense, and just enough passion to make you forgive its flaws. No, it won’t make you feel like you’re sipping espresso at a villa in Lake Como. But with a price starting at $36,535, it will make you feel like you’ve bought an affordable slice of Italian motoring. And these days, that’s about as glamorous as motoring gets.

2026 Alfa Romeo Tonale

Base price: $36,535

Engine: Turbocharged 2.0-liter four-cylinder

Horsepower/Torque: 268/295 pound-feet

EPA rating (combined): 24 mpg (Estimated)

Fuel required: Premium

Length/Width/Height: 178/63/82 inches

Ground clearance: 6.1 inches

Payload: 1,345 pounds

Cargo capacity: 27-55 cubic feet

Towing capacity: 3,307 pounds

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